


More Than You And Me

by misspunkrock



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Kidnapping, M/M, Pining, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Stucky Big Bang 2016, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:43:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7872964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misspunkrock/pseuds/misspunkrock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hello?” His voice was hoarse and quiet. He cleared his throat and spoke again, louder this time. “Anybody there?”<br/>No answer. Just quiet darkness.<br/>He struggled against his restraints to no avail.</p><p> </p><p>When someone begins a relentless search for the Infinity Stones, Steve and Bucky end up in the crossfire. Canon AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place post CACW, however I did ignore some things (Bucky didn't lose his arm, isn't in cryo, etc)  
> Also I chose to ignore Clint's fam too, no offense to anyone  
> I tried not to get too graphic with the torture
> 
> This is my first time writing for the Stucky Big Bang, it was an awesome experience so thanks to all the mods who put it together! I also got to talk with some very lovely people, including my amazing beta, [clokkerfoot](http://clokkerfoot.tumblr.com/) thank you so much <3

oOo

It has been awhile.

It had been roughly ninety years since Steve Rogers met Bucky Barnes.

About seventy years since the serum had changed him and he charged into war. Seventy years since he had lost Bucky, found him, and lost him again.

Over four years since he came out of the ice and tried to find a purpose for his life. Maybe discovering it in the Avengers through the Battle of New York.

Two since the Winter Soldier’s identity was revealed and his world shifted. In an impossible turn of fate, Bucky had found him this time. He’d also ran, lost yet again to Steve.

One year since Ultron. Tony told him he didn’t trust a guy without a dark side. Just because the rest of the team hadn’t seen it yet did not mean it didn’t exist. Steve knew what he was capable of. What lengths he was willing to go to.

They found out soon enough when several months passed and Vienna was bombed.

He’d had to fight a different kind of war. A war that forced him to draw lines between his friends; however, one that allowed him to keep his best friend. Steve had plenty of reasons he refused to sign the Sokovia Accords. But he would have done the same for just one.

Bucky.

The moment Steve confronted him in that small apartment in Bucharest he knew. He knew he would do anything to keep Bucky this time. His actions had ultimately torn the Avengers in half. He abandoned his job, his government, the team he had fought with countless times to save the world.

A part of Steve was desperate to keep Bucky safe. Too many times Steve had gotten him back and he’d been ripped away.

Now Bucky was here, Steve felt like he could breathe easier. The world was brighter. With Bucky around, it all seemed better. Steve felt more like himself.

After his confrontation with Tony in Siberia, Steve had gone underground. Along with Bucky and a few others, they had been targeting remaining Hydra cells. Bucky’s memories as the Winter Soldier gave them even more places to search and scour. Hunting down Hydra with Bucky at his side came naturally. It felt right, like they were exactly where they supposed to be, finishing the job they started in the 40s.

So it had been a while. A lot had happened and many things had changed in Steve’s life.

Except for one.

It didn’t matter how much time passed. A year, seventy years, even a thousand years could go by and it would make no difference. Whenever he saw Bucky something would twist, sharp and painful in his chest. The same as it had always done since they were two kids struggling in the Depression. When Bucky walked into a room he filled the entire space with his presence, doing the same in Steve’s mind and heart.

It was different back then. It wasn’t something you did. You didn’t kiss who you loved when it could get you thrown in jail or worse. Of course things had changed, society had changed, but in a way Steve was still the same. Too afraid to confront this _thing_ , to say something - _anything_ \- about it to Bucky.

Steve convinced himself that was for completely valid reasons. The first and most important being Bucky had been regaining his memories, both as the Winter Soldier and from his life before the war. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier, but he wasn’t the same old Bucky Barnes either. He was haunted in a way Steve couldn’t fully understand. It would be selfish of Steve to try and make their relationship more when Bucky was still figuring out who he was; Bucky didn’t need that added stress in his life. He remembered Steve as his best friend, and he was comfortable with their relationship as it was. Steve couldn’t bear to wreck that. It was one of the few stable things Bucky had in his life.

Besides, it didn’t matter, not really. Steve had accepted a long time ago that nothing would ever come from his feelings. The ache was manageable; he’d had years to practice living with it. Words would continue to go unspoken and Steve would pretend and life would go on.

It was all fine.

Having Bucky back was enough. Too much had happened. Especially after Siberia, too much was still going on in their lives to be thinking about such trivial matters.

Steve would take anything he could get so long as he never had to lose Bucky again.

 

oOo

It was very late. Or very early. Either way, it was dark out.

He and Bucky were driving to an abandoned warehouse to meet Nick Fury.

Three days ago they had received a message from Fury. It was a request (more like an order) that they meet alone. Fury had been taking out factions of Hydra on his own, and the message said he needed Steve’s help for something big. It included coordinates and a time. It was signed with the words _red rum_ ; a code they had agreed upon before Fury had left, should they ever need to get in contact with one another.

That led to where they were now: Bucky driving while Steve traced the edge of his shield.

Steve could tell Bucky was on edge. He didn’t like going into this with so little information. Steve, on the other hand, wasn’t as concerned. He knew Fury, knew how he liked to operate. The man was perpetually paranoid about everything. It did not surprise Steve he wanted to set up the meeting like this.  He’d probably tear into Steve for not coming alone once they got there, but Bucky had made it clear there was no way he was letting Steve go without backup and Steve wasn’t going to protest if Bucky wanted to come along.

Bucky let out a low sound, a mix between a grunt and a sigh. Steve smiled to himself. It was something Bucky always did when he was unhappy about something.

Every time Steve could recognize one of Bucky’s quirks it made him smile. It reminded him that even after everything Hydra had done to Bucky, there were still parts of him that survived. Parts that were good and quintessentially _Bucky_.

But because he had changed, there were new ways Bucky managed to make a mess of Steve’s head. New, not necessarily _different_. Take Bucky’s mile wide protective streak. Before it would appear in the form of Bucky bundling up Steve within an inch of his life when it was cold out, of Bucky scolding him and patching him up after the fights he got in. Now it came in the form of Bucky insisting being put on the same missions Steve was on, and in one memorable incident of Bucky using his arm during a fight to stop a truck from barreling right into Steve.  

“You keep glaring at the road like that you’re going to give yourself a headache,” Steve declared, taking in the way Bucky was scowling at the windshield.

“I don’t like not knowing.” Bucky said.

“And it wouldn’t help if I told you I’m sure everything is fine?” Steve asked, smile in his voice.

“Not even a little.” Bucky replied. “How do you know you can trust this Fury anyways? Wasn’t he a pretty big part of SHIELD?” Steve knew Bucky was right to be concerned. There was no way to know how many people had been Hydra operatives before the organization had been dismantled.

“Fury may not be trustworthy, but it’s not because he’s part of Hydra.” Steve answered honestly. Fury tended to have his own agenda and was comfortable using whatever means he thought necessary to achieve it. “I believe him when he says he needs help. Maybe it’s a Hydra cell, like he says, or maybe that’s just something he wants me to believe. Either way, I’m willing to hear him out.”

Plus, Steve was curious. Nobody had heard from Fury since he’d left. Steve had assumed he wasn’t even in the United States anymore.

“I don’t know, Steve. Something feels off here.” Bucky tapped his metal fingers against the steering wheel. The car jostled them both for what had to be the hundredth time as it went over a small mound of earth. The road below them wasn’t so much a road as it was a bumpy, dirt path.

“You know what this sort of reminds me of?” Steve asked once they were settled back in their seats.

“Hmm?”

“Those roller coaster rides at Coney Island.”

“How’s that?”

“Those carts were so shaky. The whole time we were in them I was sure we were going to get thrown from them.”

Bucky huffed out a quiet laugh. “Oh, yeah.”

Steve smiled again.  He closed his eyes so he could memorize the soft sound. God, how he _wanted_.

They were quiet for the rest of the drive. Steve was determined to keep his mind blank, and Bucky was probably focusing on the mission.

They were nearing the coordinate location. Huge trees lined the dirt road; odds were they would have blocked out the sunlight if it wasn’t already dark out.

After another jostling bump the GPS informed them they’d arrived. Bucky pulled into a narrow space where the trees had thinned out. Dried up leaves crunched under their feet as they got out and walked to the hood of the car. In front of them there seemed to be more trees, endless in every direction. Their bark looked gnarled, like someone had pulled and twisted them up to their towering heights. The dim headlights cut through the dust motes floating lazily in the air.

“When did warehouse come to mean creepy spot in the middle of fucking nowhere?” Bucky muttered. Steve saw him run his hand over the gun secured to his waist.

Steve didn’t answer. What was Fury’s play here? He firmed his grip on his shield.

“Fury?” Steve called out. He strained his ears for any noise. All he was met with was silence, save for a faint wind rustling through the leaves.

There was something about this place that was not right. It was too quiet, too secluded. No animals could be heard, the earth was damp and dark; looking like it was waiting to swallow them up at a moment’s notice.

He stared at the wall of trees, squinting his eyes in an attempt to see anything beyond them.

“He isn’t here.” Bucky sounded sure. “I don’t like this. We should go.” Bucky walked back to the driver’s side door. “It was stupid coming out here on unverified intel in the first place.”

“Wait.” Steve said. “I know Fury well enough to know he wouldn’t ask me out here without a damn good reason.”

“ _Steve_.” Bucky was exasperated.

“ _Bucky_.” Steve was stubborn.

Bucky sighed. “Two minutes and then we’re gone. And we’re getting back in the car.”

“Fine by me.” Steve strapped his shield to his back and walked to his side of the car.

Their doors slammed closed and it seemed too loud in the stillness of the forest. Hell, their breathing seemed too loud.

Two minutes passed. Bucky faced him. “Time’s up. We’re going.” He said it like he expected Steve to argue with him. His lips were pressed into a determined line. They also looked a little wet. Like maybe he had licked them before he spoke.

It was a couple seconds before Steve reminded himself he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about Bucky’s lips.

“Okay.” Steve agreed, a bit reluctant. This wasn’t like Fury. “Let’s go.”

 

oOo

They couldn’t have been driving for more than an hour when the thought occurred to Steve. They were so far away from any kind of civilization that the stars must’ve looked brilliant in the sky. If the trees weren’t blocking it all, Steve would have liked to see them.

There was a certain allure to being in a place so isolated. Everything was quiet and simple. Next time they had a spare couple of days, Steve would’ve liked to go out to the countryside. It would be nice to relax. Spend time with Bucky. Look at the stars.

“I was just thinking.” Steve started saying.

“That’s always dangerous, but go on.” Bucky interrupted.

“Shut up.” Steve said with a smile. “You know what we should do sometime?”

“What?” Bucky asked. Steve could see muted amusement in his eyes.

The glass of Bucky’s window shattered.

Suddenly they were sent lurching into the thick line of trees as Bucky slumped unconscious in his seat.

“Bucky!” Steve exclaimed. He reached over the console to grab the wheel, but it didn’t make a difference. He couldn’t regain control and the car crashed headlong into the trees.

The impact jolted Steve violently in his seat. His head snapped back against the headrest and the seat belt bit into his chest. The car alarm was whistling. Steve could taste traces of blood in his mouth.

“Bucky?” The name came out sluggish. Steve blinked his eyes open to find the windshield cracked and broken. There was a sharp pain radiating from his back where his shield had dug into his skin. “Bucky?” His voice got louder as the panic kicked in.

There was no response, not even a groan of pain. Steve strained to see Bucky despite the pain the action caused. Bucky wasn’t moving. He noticed the sleek dart sticking into Bucky’s neck. Steve remembered the glass breaking seconds before the crash.

“Fuck.” Steve could have shouted. He struggled in his seat, trying to get free. He needed to get to Bucky, needed to get him someplace safe.

There was the crunching of leaves as footsteps approaching them. Whoever it was had to be close, otherwise the car alarm would have drowned the sound out. They paused, and then a sharp stinging sensation pricked Steve’s neck.

“ _Fuck.”_ Steve repeated and reached for the gun at Bucky’s waist. The movement caused him to shout out and stop when his ribs protested. It was possible he had broken a couple.

Not that he cared. He needed to protect Bucky. He grit his teeth and continued to reach for it.

Steve’s vision was swimming. Black spots were obscuring his view of the gun. The door opened from his side. His fingertips brushed the cool surface of the gun. Everything went dark.

_Not again not again not again please don’t take him from me again._

 

oOo

The floor was moving beneath him.

Wait.

That didn’t make sense.

He was in a car, lying down on his side. He could hear the hum of the engine. His arms were stretched out in front of him, wrapped around something warm.

Steve’s eyelids felt heavy. It seemed more trouble than it was worth to open them. He wasn’t even sure he was awake. His thoughts were too scattered. It was impossible to focus on anything.

 _Needles._ He thought for some reason. Something about needles, he’d been… stuck by one… probably? The thought was gone before he could explore it more.

 _Bucky._ Steve thought next. A prickle of alarm sharpened his focus. Bucky was hurt. _I have to open my eyes. I have to help him._

With herculean effort, Steve forced his eyes open. Everything looked blurry. He groaned as a throbbing headache made itself known. He blinked a few times to clear his vision. It didn’t really work but it let him see enough to realize the thing his arms were wrapped around was Bucky.

His hands were bound together in front of Bucky’s chest. It seemed Bucky’s hands had been pulled backwards and bound behind Steve’s back. Steve guessed their legs were tied together in some way too. His limbs felt too numb for him to confirm his suspicions.

The mock embrace they’d been positioned in prevented Steve from rolling over and seeing the rest of their surroundings. His head was pounding.

“Bucky?” He murmured. He tried to move his hands, see if he could shake Bucky awake. His arms remained unresponsive. Whatever drugs they used on him had rendered him immobile. Useless. They weren’t wearing off as fast as he would have liked, as fast as they should have been considering his heightened metabolism. He groaned again.

Then Steve felt another prick in his neck. He cursed to himself. _Stupid, shouldn’t have let them know I was awake._

The last thing he saw was Bucky’s messy hair in front of him.

 

oOo

Steve drifted into consciousness. He was lying down, his back against something cold and hard. His headache came back with a vengeance. In fact, the rest of him was aching too. He tried and failed to move his arms. They were bound somehow at his sides, and his legs were strapped down.

Steve blinked his eyes open to get a better view of the situation. The room was pitch black. It was so dark he doubted he had opened his eyes in the first place. He squeezed them shut a few times and opened them to be greeted by the same nothingness.

“Hello?” His voice was hoarse and quiet. He cleared his throat and spoke again, louder this time. “Anybody there?”

No answer. Just quiet darkness.

He struggled against his restraints to no avail. The movements only served to remind Steve of all his injuries. Every exhale made him very aware of his broken ribs. He could feel where his shield had been crushed into his back from the crash. Though it wasn’t there anymore; his captors would have taken it from him. But the drugs made his thoughts hazy, the pain was sharp enough that Steve imagined his shield was still there, digging into him.

Abruptly, white light flooded the room. Steve flinched. He squeezed his sensitive eyes shut. There was the sound of a heavy metal door creaking open and then clanging shut. Footsteps approached. Steve opened his eyes enough to squint through, and as his eyesight adjusted to the sudden light a figure came into view.

It seemed to be a woman, judging from the slight figure. She wore a dark blue skin-tight suit with matching gloves. Her choice of outfit left no skin exposed.  A mask obscured most of her face, only her eyes were uncovered. They looked black. Steve figured it must be a trick of the light.

“Captain Rogers. So good of you to join us.” Her voice was deeper than he expected.

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve hated how weak his voice was. “What do you want?”

“Right now? To make sure you are stable.” She worked around him. Steve took the moment to examine his prison.

He found he was strapped to a metal table that was upright, like he could be standing if he wasn’t being tied down. A large, steel band was secured across his chest to keep him in place. He was dressed in a simple cotton shirt with drawstring pants to match. His shoes were gone, leaving his feet exposed to the cool air.

The room itself was bare. The ceiling was low, no windows or natural light which meant he was most likely being held underground; potentially in a basement of some kind? An IV bag hung beside him; the tubing running down and into a vein in his arm. Steve noticed it as soon as the woman began fiddling with it.

“What the hell is that?” Steve asked, jerking his arm away in a feeble attempt to pull it out.

“This?” She tapped the bag. The liquid inside sloshed around. “An assurance you won’t cause us too much trouble.”

Whatever was inside the bag was an unnatural bright green color. Steve could physically feel the substance winding its way through his veins, weakening him. It had to be what was preventing his injuries from healing. His head felt heavier.

“Where’s Bucky?” Steve demanded again, even though the words were thick in his mouth.

She didn’t answer right away. She began to examine him. Steve would have flinched from the contact but his body felt too sluggish.

“The sergeant should be the least of your concerns.”

Steve wanted to ask what that was supposed to mean. He got as far as pushing the “wha-” past his lips then his mouth gave up.

The drugs pushed Steve into a semi-conscious state. He didn’t pass out nor was he awake either. His mind was in a muddled sort of awareness. Thoughts came at a snail's speed or not at all, and it was impossible to focus on anything.

One of the few things Steve was able to perceive was sensation. His wounds were being prodded at, and it _hurt_. There was nothing he could do to stop it. His muscles wouldn’t move.

And then there was Bucky.

Steve needed to find him.

oOo

There were so many tubes in his body. Every now and then someone would pull and adjust a different one. He didn’t know what they were all for, but could guess at some. He assumed one was for nutrients. There was no way he would be able to eat normally in the state they had him in. Another had to be a catheter for the same reason. Getting up to use the bathroom wasn’t going to be happening any time soon.

Another tug at the IV in his arm had Steve opening his eyes. The person in front him was a kid. She was Asian, couldn’t have been much older than twenty. Her hair was a light blonde that looked white from the fluorescent lights. She looked nervous, for whatever reason. Or maybe nervous wasn’t quite right. She looked…scared? Steve couldn’t think.

“Who’re you?” Steve asked. The kid snapped her gaze up from the IV to Steve’s face.

“Me? I’m Elle.” Elle shuffled her feet.

Elle didn’t seem threatening. Then again, that didn’t mean much. Appearances weren’t everything. She returned her attention to the IV.

“Wait.” Steve whispered. Elle paused. “I just need to know.” Steve spoke between heavy breaths. “The other man they captured me with, is he okay?”

Steve had to hear it. He had to know if.

If.

Elle glanced backwards, her expression unsure.

“Please.” Steve said.

With a small nod, she muttered, “Yeah, that guy with the metal arm? He’s stable.”

Steve closed his eyes in relief. “Thank you.” He wasn’t sure Elle had heard him until she responded with a stuttered _oh, u-uh, you’re welcome_.

She went back to work on the green IV bag. The effect was instantaneous. Everything went fuzzier. Elle was saying something. Steve could hear her, but the words themselves weren’t registering in his brain. His head was spinning. He couldn’t tell up from down.

Elle’s quick receding steps faded. A door shut. The lights switched off. There was no more sound. It was Steve and the darkness again.

 

oOo

Hours passed. Maybe it was days. His head was a tangled mess of molasses like thoughts.

Sometimes Elle came in to check the IV and various other tubes they’d stuck in him. Her brief visits were all that broke up the time he spent in isolation.

Elle confused Steve. She never ceased being shaky whenever she came near Steve, as though she was a step away from having a panic attack. In his current state Steve knew he wasn’t anywhere near intimidating enough to be the cause.

A creaking sound from the door informed Steve it was time for another check-up. Except this time Elle wasn’t the one who came into focus.

It was the woman he had met when he first woke. She stalked into the room.

Upon seeing Steve she spoke. “Good to see you are awake. It saves me the trouble of having to get you up myself.”

“Wouldn’t wanna inconvenience you.” Steve mumbled.

She either didn’t hear him or didn’t care to respond. She took his arm and examined where the IV was jammed into his vein.

“Stop.” Steve slurred. He wanted to squirm away from her. He hated being touched like this. Like he wasn’t human, simply a thing for her to do with whatever she pleased.

She ignored him. Once she was satisfied with what she found, the woman turned to the IV bag, making some kind of adjustment to it. Steve dreaded the stronger haze that always followed it being touched.  However after a few minutes nothing changed. This was odd. Steve usually felt the effects immediately.

His head felt clearer with every minute that passed. A better sense of awareness crept back into Steve, a fog clearing up. His hands twitched against the restraints seeking freedom.

“Feeling better?” She asked. Steve glared in response. She looked calculating as she eyed Steve and then the IV. “I will take that as a yes.”

It was Steve’s turn to ignore her. This was the most clear-headed he’d felt since he gotten there; creating an opportunity he couldn’t waste. The room seemed just as empty as the first time he’d gotten a good look around it. Plain grey cement floor met plain grey cement wall with nothing else in the room to break up the monotony of it. He looked past the woman to see the door. There was a type of keypad on the wall beside it. Electronic lock then.

The woman interrupted his evaluation. “I have a few questions for you, Captain.”

Steve’s attention returned to the person in front of him. He tensed at the word ‘questions’. So now they were finally getting to it, the reason she had him.

“Yeah well, I’ve got questions of my own. Who the hell are you? Hydra?”

Her black eyes narrowed. “Do not mistake for one moment that because I’ve kept you alive, I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Steve startled when she took hold of his hand. She moved fast. “Remember, every breath you draw is a kindness I’m allowing. Be thankful I don’t rip the lungs from your chest.” A loud crack and pain shot through his index and middle fingers. They had to be dislocated, if not broken.

Steve choked, holding back a cry. She dropped his hand.

“Now.” She met Steve’s glare with ease as she continued. “You’re familiar with the tesseract, yes?”

Steve was thrown by the inquiry.

“ _What_?”

“I want it.”

“Lady, the last time I saw that thing it was going to Asgard with a couple of gods.”

This made no sense. Steve hadn’t thought about the tesseract in years.

“I already know the son of Odin has it.” She bit back in impatience.

“I don’t see how I can help you.” Steve said. It was true. What the hell could he do about something that was stored light years away from the earth in some alien vault?

“Oh, but you can.” She said. “Tell me where I can find Odinson.”

Steve was struggling to understand. “You think I know where Thor is?” He ventured.

She delivered a swift punch to his chest, jostling his broken ribs. The way she moved, her strength, it was inhuman.

“Do not insult my intelligence.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Steve muttered.

His response got him another blow. To the face this time, it was possible a couple of his teeth had come loose. He spit out blood. “You’re talking to the wrong guy.”

“I think not.” She crept right into his space. “He’s a member of your team. A team you lead.” She gripped his jaw and squeezed. “Either you know where he is, or you know a way I can find him.” With each word she applied more pressure. It wouldn’t take much for her to dislocate his jaw too.

“I don’t.” Steve managed to say despite the hold she had on him.

In another swift move she slammed Steve’s head back against the metal table he was strapped to. The resulting pain radiated out in waves over his whole head.

“You will tell me.” She hissed.

“I can’t tell you what I don’t know.” Steve said from between clenched teeth.

She slammed him into the metal again. This time blood trickled down his neck.

“You are testing my patience.”

“I have a tendency to do that.” Steve prepared for his head to meet the metal of the table for a third time when the door swung open. Elle’s timid voice called, “Ma’am?”

The woman released Steve. “What?” She demanded.

“The other one. He’s… there’s a problem?”

The other one.

 _Bucky_.

“What happened to him?” Steve entreated. In that moment he didn’t feel his injuries. Just fear. He met Elle’s eyes and pleaded. “Tell me what happened to him!”

Elle stared met his gaze, panic in her face.

The woman stepped to the side to adjust the IV. She blocked Steve’s view of the door and Elle. She sighed in annoyance. “Wait for me outside.”

“Of course.” Elle turned to leave.

 _Wait!_ Steve wanted to shout. _Is he okay?_

That damned toxin was already flooding his system in full force again.

“I’ll be back, Captain.” The woman promised. She followed Elle out the door.

It was like a bad nightmare; like when something is chasing you and you try to run as hard as you can but you’re just too slow. Steve was trying like that now. He screamed at his body to move. It didn’t work.

The door clanged shut. The lights turned off.

 

 

oOo

There was an upside to being drugged 24/7.

Steve was never bored. He wasn’t conscious enough to be. It also meant he couldn’t plan an escape, but small silver linings and all that.

 

oOo

Steve only regained a semblance of awareness when the woman interrogated him. She would ease the IV drip enough for him to come to.

The last time he got a visit from her, she actually did dislocate his jaw.

Among other things.

oOo

Elle’s job appeared to be to keep him sedated and tend his injuries. She patched him up enough he wouldn’t die the next time the woman came to see him.  She would also routinely increase his IV drip and change the bag. They accounted for his fast metabolism by upping the dosage often. Elle showed whenever he started to think he could claw his way to lucidity.

Whenever she came in, Steve gathered what strength he had to ask her about Bucky. She gave him the same response every time.

 _Alive_.

That was it. One word. It had to be enough.

He couldn’t think about what that could mean. Even alive you might wish you were dead.

Steve was beyond angry at himself. How could he let this happen? How much more was Bucky going to be harmed because Steve couldn’t protect him?

Today when she came in, he asked her something else. It had been bothering him since they met. “Why’re you here?”

“I’ve got to…” She gestured to his IV unsure.

“T’s not what I meant.” He hoped she could understand his garbled speech.

She was gentle when she checked him over. She answered him when he wanted to know about Bucky. She acted afraid. Elle didn’t seem to belong in all this, so how had she ended up here?

“I…” Elle was shaking. “I’m supposed to keep you alive.”

It took Steve several moments to process that.

“You a doctor?”

“Med student.”

“They took you too.” Steve realized aloud.

 

oOo

The woman was there.

Was this her sixth time seeing Steve? Eighth?

He had no idea.

She continued to demand information he didn’t have.

He tensed up for the inevitable torture.

Elle nodded. “But I don’t know why.” Tears leaked down her cheek. “I’m not a doctor yet.”

“M’ going to get us out of here.” Steve swore.

“It’s not possible.” Elle cried quietly. “That woman, she knows everything.” She shook even more. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.” She reached for the IV bag.

“Don’t.” If Steve could get her on his side he had a real chance at getting them out.

She didn’t listen.

The haze swirled over him.

 

oOo

Because his body still hadn’t healed, it reminded Steve of being that scrawny kid from the 20s. His head was messed up enough that most of the time he believed he was back in some alley; getting the shit beaten out of him and helpless to stop it.

His nose was broken; in addition to his right hand, along with a number of other bones. There wasn’t one patch of skin that didn’t have a bruise. His left eye was swollen shut.

Where was Bucky? He had to be looking for Steve. He was going to be so pissed. Steve would gladly listen to his same old speech of _Stop Getting Into Fights You Fucking Idiot_ if it meant he would show up soon.

He’d lost too much blood. He was going to black out.

Steve prayed Bucky would find him by the time he woke up.

 

oOo

 After another round of interrogation, Steve was sure he was back in Siberia.

Tony was fighting him. The way he looked at Steve, completely betrayed… it haunted him. He couldn’t regret what he’d done. Bucky was everything, and it was never a question he would do anything to protect him.

He hadn’t wanted to hurt Tony either.

Neither of them were perfect. They’d both made mistakes.

As Tony punched him, Steve wondered if they could ever fight on the same side again.

 

oOo

Steve did his best to persuade Elle to help him. All she had to do was forget his next dose. He would take care of the rest.

He would probably have done a better job of it if he wasn’t beaten half way into a coma.

She never replied to his plans. Her singular acknowledgement was a shake of her head. Then she would turn up the drip and Steve wouldn’t be able to think anymore.  

The worst part was getting a taste of consciousness before the drugs scrambled everything.

 

oOo

It was difficult to tell the difference between reality and hallucinations. Between the drugs and endless bouts of being used as punching bag, Steve was strung out. Sleep eluded him. Isolation was taking its toll.

The utter darkness was its own kind of torture. There was no way to mark the passage of time. For all Steve knew, a goddamn millennia had gone by and he was still stuck in this fucking basement.

He dreaded to think Bucky was going through the same thing.

 

oOo

Later, Steve was dancing with Peggy.

“Am I dead?” He mused out loud while spinning her around.

She was a graceful dancer. Steve figured she would be. “Not yet darling.”

“I miss you.” Steve would _always_ miss her.

“I know.” Her red lips quirked into a smile. “And I wish you could stay here with me. But I’m afraid there’s someone else who needs you more.”

Steve knew.

 

oOo

Steve didn’t blame Elle for not helping him. She was just a scared kid. He could understand. Not everyone had the same stubborn courage he had. And even he faked it sometimes.

All Steve could do was wait for an opportunity. It was on him to find them a way out. No one was coming for them; they hadn’t had trackers when they’d been taken.

He did his best to get his bearings when the woman came in and decreased the IV drip, but it was so hard. It was a challenge to see clearly, let alone analyze his surroundings enough to pinpoint weaknesses.

It didn’t stop him from trying. Steve _I can do this all day_ Rogers didn’t give up. And it was like Peggy said: someone needed him.

He would endure. He had to when Bucky was in this hellhole too.

Here with Peggy, he didn’t feel anything. It was tempting to stay.

He held her close for the rest of the song. When it ended he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

 

oOo

“Where is Thor?”

Steve didn’t speak. She struck his cheek. His face had to be a bloody mess. It dribbled down his neck and soaked his shirt.

The truth was it was good she believed he had information. She’d made it clear she was ready to kill him the second he ceased being useful, and when she figured out Steve truly didn’t know anything it would be over. It could be any day now, and she became more agitated the longer she went without an answer.

She repeated herself. “Where. Is. Thor?”

Steve was silent, save for the rattle of his breath.

The woman raised her fists. Her hits became Bucky’s.

They were on the helicarrier. Punch after brutal punch and Steve refused to meet his blows.

“I’m going to save you.” Steve promised.

“Shut up.” His hallucination snarled at him.

_I’m so fucking sorry_

Steve needed Bucky to know except he could not talk. Bucky’s hands were around his throat. He passed out.

 

oOo

When Steve woke up, he was alone and the bright lights were still on.

This was out of the ordinary.

Not the being alone, the lights. The fact that they were on and he wasn’t being questioned or having his wounds attended to. It didn’t sit well with Steve. The change couldn’t be good.

He began to feel more lucid. Elle would be in soon to rectify that.

Steve willed his system to process the drugs faster. He tried to flex his fingers and winced when he had a little successful. His right hand was still broken and the slight movement hurt. Breathing through the pain, he focused on moving another muscle.

When the door did open it wasn’t Elle who stepped through.

The woman walked in. However she wasn’t the only one. A couple of men were pushing something large in behind her. Steve’s vision was blurry, it took him several moments to figure out what it was. Or more accurately, _who_.

His heart stopped for a second.

Bucky was strapped upright to a metal table in the same fashion Steve was. His hair hung greasy and unkempt in his pale face. Blood ran in sluggish drips from various cuts across his skin. He looked as bruised as Steve felt.

“Bucky.” Steve rasped. His struggle against the steel bands renewed. He was hurting himself more than anything but he didn’t care.

Bucky gave no indication he heard him. His eyes stayed shut and his body limp. Another man wheeled an IV in after them, attached to Bucky’s right arm.

“Set him there.” The woman gestured toward Steve. She held what seemed to be a hammer of some kind. It was almost the size of _Mjölnir._

Too fast Bucky was wheeled out of Steve’s line of vision and his table pushed in the space beside Steve.

“Leave.” She ordered. All the men filed out of the room.

Steve turned his head to see Bucky’s profile. His shoulders were slumped, his head hanging in a way his chin touched his clavicle.

“Buck.” He whispered.

The woman jerked his head forward. “Let’s get straight to the point. It’s obvious you care about his pathetic life more than your own.” Her black eyes bore into him. “I’m going to make this simple. Tell me what I want to know or I will kill him.”

“You lay one hand on him.” Steve panted with the effort it took to enunciate. “I’ll make sure you regret it.”

His threat didn’t faze her. Steve watched as she stepped over to Bucky.

“I don’t think you understand.” She went to Bucky’s IV. “I will draw it out. I will crush every bone in his body until he is begging for it to end.”

Bucky’s eyelids fluttered. He would wake up in a matter of minutes.

She took Bucky’s flesh arm. “This ends today Captain. I have grown tired of waiting. How can I find Odinson?” She tapped it with her hammer.

Inside Steve panicked. He had to stall her. She was going to destroy his best friend in front of him. He had to do something. The fog still lingered in his brain and he _couldn’t think_.

A soft groan came from Bucky’s direction. “Where’s Steve?” He mumbled.

“I’m right here Buck.” Steve prayed he heard him.

“Stevie?” Bucky’s head rolled to the side.

There was a sickening crunch and Bucky shouted. “Did you not hear me? I don’t have the patience for this.” The woman had fractured Bucky’s forearm. She raised her hammer. “ _Well_?”

“Don’t.” The word left Steve’s lips without conscious thought. Bucky’s shout echoed in his head.

“That’s not an answer.” She swung. Bucky cried out in agony. The same crunching sound had Steve sick to his stomach.

“Stop!” Steve thrashed against the restraints. Steel bore into his skin.

“Neither is that.” She rammed the hammer down.

For as long as he lived Steve would never be able to forget Bucky’s screams.

“I don’t know!” Steve nearly sobbed in desperation. “I swear to god I don’t know!” He didn’t care if she killed him. He didn’t care if this was the moment she realized he was telling the truth. It was impossible to conceive a plausible lie to feed her when his brain wouldn’t work.

“Stop lying!” She yelled.

_She’s not going to stop._

Steve had never felt so helpless. Not even when he had been beaten in alleys, or when he’d faced the Red Skull and had to go down with that plane, or on the helicarrier when the Winter Soldier had a mission to kill him.

Steve would have gladly gone through all of that a second time rather than be forced to listen to Bucky’s bones break while he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

 _She’s going to kill him._ Steve despaired.

_I can’t save him._

“Please!” Some part of him knew it was useless to beg. This woman had no compassion. She wouldn’t be swayed by his pleading. That logic was drowned out by desperation. “I’m not lying to you!”

_Why can’t I ever save him?_

No matter what Steve said she didn’t believe him. He shouted until his already hoarse voice was gone and Bucky’s arm was well on its way to becoming a mangled wreck. Tears leaked from Steve’s swollen eyes.

He couldn’t accept that this was how it was going to end for them. He couldn’t accept this was how it was going to end for _Bucky_. Steve could have cared less about his own life.

But Bucky had already been through hell. He’d been to war, lost his arm, been turned into an unwilling weapon for fucking _years,_ and despite it all Bucky finally had gotten a chance at a life.

Bucky couldn’t die. He deserved so much better and it was killing Steve to see Bucky’s future being taken from him again.

Steve refused to let happen. He racked his brain for any plan of action. If he was going to die, he was going to make damn sure he spent every last breath fighting.

The woman raised her hammer. Mid-swing, an alarm blared.

“What _now_?” She growled.

Steve watched in relief as she lowered it.

“I promise Captain, this is not over,” She vowed. She jabbed the hammer in his face. “Consider this while I’m gone: give me what I want and I will put the Sergeant out of his misery and grant you a quick death.” And with that, she was gone. Seconds later, the earsplitting alarm stopped as unexpectedly as it had begun.

He and Bucky were alone.

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice cracked. “Hey pal, can you hear me?”

Bucky didn’t acknowledge Steve. He moaned and whimpered, appearing completely out of it. Steve didn’t blame him. Steve wanted to reassure him, let him know he was there, that Bucky wasn’t alone.

If Steve couldn’t reach him with his words... he had to do something else.

He looked down and judged the distance between their tables. Bucky’s metal arm dangled at his side. It wasn’t that far away, and Steve would be able to reach it if he stretched his forearm out. The drugs had gradually been wearing off; the woman hadn’t increased the dosage when she came in or when she’d left.

Steve forced the muscles in his arm to move. It was a strain on his energy, but he did it. His fingertips grazed Bucky’s metal ones. Steve had no idea if Bucky was even able to feel the sensation. He repeated the movement.

“I’m getting you out of here.” Steve promised. “I’m going to hold on to you this time, I swear to god.”

Bucky still didn’t seem to hear him.

Steve took a deep breath. He needed a plan. There was no way to know how much time he had before she came back and delivered on her threats.

The door opened.

_Fuck._

Steve cursed his bad luck.

He was surprised when instead of the woman it was Elle who hurried in. She was there to put him under, he realized.

She rushed to his table. “We have to be fast,” Her hands shook so violently Steve couldn’t tell what she was doing. “She’s going to come back soon.” Elle fumbled with the something at the side of the table. A second later the band across Steve’s chest receded with a whirring sound. He stared, uncomprehending, at his freed arms.

She pulled his IV out and the sting of it snapped Steve into the moment. Elle was here and she was actually helping him. This was it. They were going to escape. She leaned over to release the band on his legs.

“Why’d you change your mind?” Not that Steve was complaining, but Elle had never been receptive to his implorations.

When she stood upright Steve noticed the contusions across her face, “I don’t want to die here.” She declared with quiet determination.

“You won’t.” Steve assured. He stumbled off the table and almost fell over. Pinpricks shot through his legs as his blood circulated, but Elle helped steady him.

Steve waved her off and clutched the table he’d just gotten off of for balance. “Go help him.”

Elle nodded and went about releasing Bucky. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to crash face first into the cement floor, Steve limped over to Bucky’s table.

“Is he going to be able to move?” Elle glanced at the door, her expression nervous.

“Doesn’t matter.” Steve muttered. He leaned against Bucky’s table, and with his unbroken hand he carefully brushed Bucky’s dirty hair from his face. “I’ll carry him out of here if I have to.”

“Don’t…” Bucky panted, “be so dramatic Rogers.” Bucky cracked open his eyes. Steve was shocked by how forcefully relief swept through him. Bucky was going to be okay.

“We have to go _now_.” Elle said urgently.

“I’ve got a pretty good reason to be dramatic.” Steve might have smiled at Bucky except all of his focus was going into staying upright.

Bucky rolled his shoulders the slightest bit in an attempt at a shrug. “Maybe this time.”

“I’m not sticking around here anymore!” Elle was borderline hysterical. “We have to go!”

“Okay.” Steve told her softly. “We’re getting out of here, just like I promised. Trust me.” Steve shuffled into a better position to help Bucky down from his table. “Get on his other side.”

“Okay.” Elle agreed with a nod.

Between the two of them, they managed to get Bucky off the table. Both Steve and Bucky winced at how the action pulled at their injuries. Being as careful as they could, considering the state of Bucky’s smashed arm, Steve and Elle hobbled Bucky out the door.

Once they were in the corridor Steve inquired, “You know the way out?”

“Yeah, it’s this way.” Elle began leading them down the hallway to their right.

Steve had no clue how he was walking, let alone supporting Bucky too. Maybe it was adrenaline or the drugs were burning off, or a combination of both. Either way, each faltering step gave Steve a better sense of hope.

The hallway they were going through was abandoned, and something about that seemed wrong. Any moment Steve was expecting the woman to round the corner and discover them, but there was nobody. From the alarm Steve had assumed there was some emergency going on, and if that was the case shouldn’t they have seen at least one other person rushing about? And what kind of alarm sounded for less than a minute anyway?

It was a couple of small details; insignificant compared to his much bigger worries. Nevertheless it bothered him.

“I can’t believe you didn’t break.” Elle huffed, struggling with Bucky’s weight.

“What?” Steve asked. He was struggling too.

“That woman, you never told her where Thor was.” Elle responded. “It’s impressive.” She added.

“Ts’ my Stevie.” Bucky mumbled. Steve couldn’t help but smile at his words.

“Not really.” Steve said. “I couldn’t tell her what I don’t know.”

Elle stopped, forcing Steve and Bucky to stop as well. “What?” Steve repeated.

“You really don’t know where he is?”

“It’s obvious I don’t.” Steve didn’t understand why they were having this conversation. They had to keep moving. Elle had been the most insistent on leaving just a few minutes ago.

“Oh.” She said, a furrow forming between her brows. “I see.”

“Great.” Bucky wheezed. “Can we go now?”

“I agree.” Steve took a step forward. “Let’s get out of here.”

Elle didn’t say anything but she followed Steve’s orders.

They hadn’t even gotten to the next corner before Steve was suddenly thrown against the wall by Bucky.

“What the hell?!” Steve exclaimed.

Bucky stared at him with a labored expression and gasped “You gotta run.” before falling into Steve’s arms.

Bucky’s full weight caused Steve to start sliding down the wall. Bucky’s face was smooshed into his neck, their chests pressed together. Then Steve noticed the needle sticking out of Bucky’s shoulder. The familiar green of the drugs inside it had him cursing aloud.

Steve yanked it out but it was too late. Enough of it had been injected that Bucky was out.

“You’re not a medical student.” Steve gathered.

When Elle spoke her voice lacked the nervous wavering Steve was accustomed to, “No.”

Elle stood taller and seemed more confident. It was a complete transformation; she was nowhere near the meek creature Steve had met before.

“And it seems you’re not a liar.” She pulled another syringe from her lab coat and crossed the small space.

“Honesty is the best policy,” Steve talked to distract her and gripped the needle he’d taken out of Bucky. It was the only defense he had. “Maybe you should try it sometime.”

His heart pounded. He had one shot to use it; if he fucked it up, they were screwed.

“Are you mad I tricked you?” Elle mocked. She looked away from him to remove the cap from her syringe.

Steve jumped at his opportunity. He jammed the needle into her leg. Elle shouted in pained surprise. Her syringe thudded to floor and she followed soon after.

Steve didn’t have time to feel betrayed. Their escape had become that much more difficult because he had to deal with Bucky being passed out.  

“Like hell I’m leaving you.” Steve grunted. He staggered to his feet. Bucky slid to the floor.

Steve considered his options. He could either try picking Bucky up and carrying him or dragging him. The latter seemed the fastest. Besides, Steve wasn’t sure he had the strength to pick him up. Decision made, Steve hooked his arms under Bucky’s shoulders and pulled.

Elle’s body was twitching and convulsing on the ground, needle sticking out of her calf. Steve noticed it and set Bucky down. A used needle wasn’t the best weapon but it was better than nothing. He needed both arms to pull Bucky so without any other choice, Steve carefully bit into the plastic sides of the needle, holding it between his teeth. As Steve dragged Bucky around the corner it struck him that a serum meant to keep a super soldier drugged couldn’t mean anything good for a normal human being. But again these thoughts were quickly pushed aside. He had to focus on getting to an exit.

The longer he went without finding one the more manic Steve became. It was an endless cement maze and for all Steve knew he was bringing them deeper into the complex.

“How about next time,” Steve mumbled around the needle, “I be the unconscious one and you lug me around?”

Bucky didn’t respond, not that Steve had been expecting him to. He was out cold, his head lolling against his shoulders while Steve hauled him around.

Footsteps echoing from up ahead made Steve freeze. He eased Bucky over to a wall and leaned him against it. Worst case scenario it was the woman. It was doubtful Steve would be able to win a fight against her in his current condition. Still, he took the needle from his mouth and waited behind the corner. It almost slipped out of his hand he was gripping it so tight.  His pulse thundered in his ears.

In a flash Steve moved and caught the person off guard. He had them pinned against the opposite wall and the needle poised against their neck.

It wasn’t the woman. It was another kid. A boy this time, barely out of his teens and hair the same shade of white blonde that Elle’s had been.

“Please sir.” The boy’s voice quivered. “I’m not-”

“Cut the shit.” Steve interrupted. He was the picture of crazed. Blood and sweat soaked his clothes. His body shook with the effort to stay standing. “You’re going to show me the way out.”

“I don’t know how to leave.” The kid squeaked.

Steve pressed the needle harder into the boy’s skin. “Now.”

“Okay! Stop!” He said. “I’ll show you.”

“Great.” Steve backed off. He did a quick pat down of the boy’s coat. He found one syringe full of the green chemicals. “I’ll be holding on to this. Hope you don’t mind.”

The kid glared at him.

“Let’s go, help me pick him up.” Steve pointed to Bucky.

“Excuse me?” The kid said.

“We’re carrying him.” Steve went over and gently situated Bucky’s flesh arm over his shoulder. The kid stood confused. “Now.” Steve snapped. “Get his other side.”

The boy scurried over and hooked Bucky’s metal arm over his shoulder. Steve had the kid take Bucky’s left side, mostly because he didn’t trust him to be careful with Bucky’s broken arm and because this way he didn’t have to deal with the extra weight of the metallic limb.

With one hand around Bucky’s lower back supporting him, Steve had the full syringe in the other. It was more practical to leave the old one behind. Steve wasn’t keen on putting in back in his mouth so he’d thrown it backwards down the hall.

He kept a firm grip on the one he’d taken; prepared if their new guide tried anything.

Their progress was faster than it had been when Steve was alone but not as good as it could have been were Bucky awake and walking. Steve didn’t dwell on it. He was satisfied as long as they kept moving.

“Even if you get out of this building” the kid started, “we’re in the middle of nowhere. There’s nothing around for miles. She’ll find you again. Easily.”

“Why don’t you let me worry about that?” Steve responded.

They took a couple more turns then came to a set of wide doors. “This is it.” The kid announced.

Steve nodded his head toward the keypad on the wall. “Open it.”

The kid slipped out from under Bucky’s arm. Steve grunted as he was forced to support all of Bucky’s weight. While the kid had his back turned Steve once more sat Bucky against the wall. Steve waited and listened to the buttons being punched; one of the doors cracked open. The kid hadn’t even turned around before Steve put as much force as he could into knocking him out. He couldn’t have him running to the woman and telling her where they were. It wasn’t the most sophisticated attack, more Steve throwing his weight at the kid than anything else. It got the job done in the end. She’d find out soon enough where they got out from and this way they had a little bit of a head start.

Steve limped back to Bucky and groaned when he lifted him up. He half-carried and half-dragged Bucky through the door.

On the other side was a cold tunnel. Industrial cage lights hung in sparse links along the walls, providing the barest hints of light. Steve couldn’t see or hear anything up ahead. With no other way to go but forward, Steve tightened his hold on Bucky and shuffled onwards.

Soon enough the doors were behind him. The dark of the tunnel seemed to stretch endless in both directions. The chill of being underground was stronger here, ice settling in his bones. It reminded him of the plane; crashing it, falling deep into the Arctic. He shivered.

Each step was harder than the last. Whatever adrenaline rush that had allowed Steve to get around the building was fading. He was frustrated with his body. It didn’t seem like he’d burned off the last of the drugs. Everything still hurt, and if any of his injuries had begun healing he couldn’t tell.

Fragmented ideas and questions raced through his brain.

_Had she found where they’d escaped yet?_

_Why hadn’t Bucky woken up?_

_Oh god, his hand-_

_How long until she found them?_

_Cold, numbing pain-_

_What if Bucky didn’t wake up?_

_Bucky Bucky Bucky_

Minutes crawled by and the end was nowhere in sight.  Because of the dim light Steve’s surroundings looked the same as when he had started. It had him doubting how much progress he was making. There was no way to gauge how far he had gotten if it all blended together in a blur of stone wall and dirt ground.

Bucky remained out cold the whole time. His shallow breath in Steve’s ear proved he was alive. The soft huffs motivated Steve to keep moving.

He talked to Bucky to stay sane.“We’ve got the worst luck, Buck, you and me. Why’s it always us?”

He continued in rambled slurs. “Or maybe the best luck if ya think about it. We’ve gone through a lotta shit but somehow we’re both still here. That’s gotta be a miracle right?”

Bucky stayed silent.

“Yeah, I’m not sure I believe that either. Maybe we’re cursed. After everything I’ve seen, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

After that Steve veered off into random memories from before the war. He talked about how excited they both had been when Steve got his first drawing commission; how they had celebrated with cheap beer and how Steve had turned red from the alcohol and Bucky’s praise. He talked about how he always secretly hated it when Bucky worked at the auto garage because he came home reeking of gasoline and the smell would linger for days, but he never said anything because he knew Bucky loved the work.

“I never said alotta things.” Steve mused. “Almost told you, once. It was when you’d caught me drawing you sleepin’ in bed one morning. I looked up from my paper and you were looking right back at me. I was convinced you’d figured it out. It had to be clear as day on my face how much I…” Steve trailed off. He couldn’t say it. “Well. Doesn’t matter.”

Steve decided to save his breath and keep quiet.

Then it happened. The ground turned into a slight incline up.

Steve dared to hope. Up meant they were getting out. They were going to reach the opening soon.

The air became less stagnant. The lights tapered off. The stone walls bled into rougher rock which eventually led to outside. Steve could have cried at the first breath of fresh air in his lungs.

Outside they were met with the sting of wind. Steve guessed it was early dawn from the pale grey of the sky. He craned his neck to look around and saw nothing. No people, no vehicles. All there was were the same towering trees from before they’d been captured; forming a formidable line of forest ahead of them.

The kid had been telling the truth. They were in the middle of nowhere.

Steve headed for the trees. From a tactical perspective it was their best bet, better than staying out in the open. After being in confined spaces for so long being somewhere without walls left Steve feeling exposed. He couldn’t shake the paranoia they were being watched as they crossed over. He couldn’t help but doubt their success. It was possible this was all part of her plans, especially considering what had happened with Elle.

Or maybe they were in the clear. Maybe Steve had been right and they really did have the best luck.

Inside the tree line the forest was dense. The trees grew in such close quarters their branches tangled together the higher up they went. Uneven ground made their progress that much slower. Rough dirt grated against Steve’s feet; they had to be covered in blisters by now. His ribs and back ached even more because he was carrying Bucky. As time went on he got colder and colder from biting winds.

Steve ignored his growing anguish. The rest of his energy was going into the one plan he had: get them as far away as possible. Hopefully by the time they had covered enough distance to be considered safe Bucky will have woken up and he could help Steve come up with a plan to get home.

The forest seemed as endless as the tunnel. Was he leading them out or even deeper into the wilderness?

He was _so_ cold.

A thudding crash cracked Steve’s focus. Sudden panic caused him to misstep and he and Bucky tumbled into the leaves. Bucky landed on top of Steve, pinning him to the ground. Steve tried to push him off. Any second the woman was going to come stalking towards them. Between heartbeats Steve waited to be taken again.

Nothing happened.

Steve listened for footsteps that never came. He sighed in relief. It could have been an animal.

Bucky’s face was smushed into his neck, his lips like ice on Steve’s skin. If Steve turned his head Bucky’s hair tickled his nose. His weight was an immovable burden on Steve’s chest, something that caused Steve’s ribs to scream louder in protest. Now that he had stopped Steve couldn’t force his muscles to move again. He couldn’t ignore the exhaustion.

“It’d really help me out if you woke up now, pal.” Steve’s voice broke. He felt miserable and alone. “Bucky?”

Steve closed his eyes. _Just for a few seconds_. He would rest and pull it together.

“Why do you keep sayin’ my name like that?” Bucky mumbled.

Steve blinked up at the gnarled branches. He hadn’t expected Bucky to actually wake up. Or he had passed out and this was another hallucination. That had to be it. Either way Steve smiled - at least he tried to, anyway. “Like what?”

“Like m’ already dead.”

“Sorry.” Steve said instead of admitting he was scared Bucky hadn’t made it.

“Should be.” Bucky said in one breath. “Can’t get rid of me that easy, Rogers.”

“Guess I’m stuck with you then.” Steve closed his eyes again. He liked this hallucination. Everything was warmer. No, that wasn’t right. He didn’t feel...anything. Numb. That was a bad sign.

“Guess so.” Bucky agreed. “Where are we?” He shifted, starting to get up, leave. Steve didn’t want him to leave.

“Wait.” He begged. “Stay, just...” He fought the urge to pass out. He had to be alert. They were going to be found.

“It’s okay, Steve.” Bucky soothed, settling back against him. “M’ here.”

“Okay.”  Steve said. Then he blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

oOo

In his dreams he was being dragged. He couldn’t see by who or what. Everything was black.

 

oOo

When Steve woke up he was alone.

Natural sunlight streamed through a window. The single sized bed creaked when he sat up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took stock of his surroundings. He was dressed simply in clean sweatpants and a white T-shirt. There were tight bandages wrapped around his chest. Numerous plasters and stitches covered the wounds scattered all over his body.

The room was small. His bed and a wooden desk covered in medical supplies comprised the only furniture. The setup gave Steve a strange sense of deja-vu. It reminded him of when he’d woken for the first time in New York, after they’d found him in ice. Steve hoped another 70 years hadn’t passed him by.

A headache came on from the thought and he rubbed his temples. He found more stitches along the skin there. Steve pressed lightly against it and winced. Dull pain, so he didn’t believe he was hallucinating again.

“Careful now. It took us days to fix you up. We can’t have you go and undo all that hard work.”

Steve recognized that voice.

“Fury.” He stated. Sure enough, when Steve looked to the door the man was standing there.

“Well sorry, I didn’t mean to inconvenience you.” He added; a sarcastic edge in his voice.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” Fury responded with a slight smirk.

“Where am I? What the hell is going on?” Steve was tired and still hurt all over. And he had to save- “Where is Bucky?” He demanded louder.

“Calm down Captain, Barnes is fine. He’s asleep a room over.” Fury stepped further into the room and sat down at the desk. “As for your other questions, that’s a little more complicated.”

Steve swung his legs over the side of the bed. It made his muscles twinge but he’d experienced far worse over the last week. “Take me to him.”

“Rogers,” Fury sighed, “He’s okay. He even woke up before you did. Right now we have more urgent matters to attend to.”

“That wasn’t a request, sir. I need to see him.” Steve stumbled a bit when he stood and there a couple of dizzy seconds he was sure he would fall back onto the bed but remained standing.

Fury was quiet. He regarded Steve with wary eyes before standing too. “I didn’t miss how damn stubborn you are.”

He followed Fury into the hall. It looked like they were in a cabin. Beyond the hall was a living room and small kitchen. Fury led him to the room across from his. When he pushed the door open Steve was shocked to see another familiar face.

“Hill?”

Maria Hill finished taping up the dressing on Bucky’s arm and looked up. The room was set up in the exact way Steve’s had been: one window, single bed, desk full of various med items.

“Captain Rogers.” She greeted. She turned to Fury. “Did you fill him in?” She asked seriously.

“Not yet.” Fury answered.

Hill looked at Steve with sharp eyes, then looked down at Bucky. A moment later she returned her gaze to Steve again.

“We don’t know how long you were in the woods however you’ve been here a little under a week. For the most part he’s been asleep but when he has woken up he’s responded well to questions and knows who he is. His injuries have been healing slower than yours which is lucky. Had his rate of recovery been as fast we might have had to re-break the bones in order to set them properly. Now, you’re both far from one hundred percent so take it easy. Got it?”

It took a moment for Steve to process all the information. “Yeah.” He said hoarsely. He couldn’t take his eyes off Bucky. His friend was covered in as many bandages as Steve was. Bucky’s face had color and his chest rose with each breath he took and he was okay and _alive_.

Hill moved past him. “We’ll give you a moment.”

“Thank you.” He said. He hoped she knew how grateful he was.

Hill nodded. She and Fury walked away, she started to say, “Sir, there was actually a couple things we needed to go over…” Then the door closed with a soft thud.

Pulling the chair from the desk over, Steve walked to Bucky’s bed and sat. He was tempted to brush the hair from Bucky’s face but he was frozen. He couldn’t move. If he started to touch Bucky he wouldn’t be able to stop. He wanted to erase every wound on Bucky’s skin with soft presses of his lips. He wanted to whisper how _fucking sorry_ he was that this happened, that Bucky was hurt _again_ because of Steve.

How could he even begin to apologize for everything?

Steve didn’t know how long he was there. Long enough his eyes began to droop. Careful not to jostle Bucky at all, he leaned over to rest his head and arms on the bed. He could rest there for a bit. There was no way he was going back to his own room. He would stay until Bucky woke up.

 

oOo

Steve woke up tired, like he hadn’t gotten any real rest. When he sat up he noted the room was empty; he was alone. Again.

He rolled his neck from side to side to stretch out the muscles. There was a kink in it from sleeping at an awkward angle. If Bucky was there he’d have made some crack about Steve being old. Thinking of Bucky, he frowned, wondering why Bucky didn’t wake up him. The sheets were warm. He must have just left.

Steve stood with the intent to find him. There was a creeping desperation in him to see Bucky awake and alert. He had gotten far too familiar with the sight of Bucky unconscious.

When he got to the hallway Bucky’s voice stopped him.

“You’re out of your goddamn mind.”

Bucky was _seething._ Steve couldn’t remember the last time Bucky was this angry. Shock left Steve motionless.

Hill wasn’t fazed. “It’s too risky.”

“This entire operation is one huge risk. That’s why you’re going to need all the help you can get.” Bucky snapped.

“Think about it, Barnes. It’s the safest option.” Hill reasoned.

“I don’t care.” Steve had argued enough times with Bucky to envision the scene in the other room. Bucky would be the picture of stubborn, brow furrowed, jaw clenched; ready for whatever fight the other person (usually Steve) would throw his way.

“Maybe you don’t. But Steve does.”

Bucky said nothing. Hill took it as a cue to continue. “You know he would agree with me.”

Steve was done eavesdropping. Hearing his own name shook him out of whatever hesitation he was experiencing. “Agree with you on what?” Steve asked, coming out of the hall.

Hill and Bucky were at a folding table that barely fit in the kitchen. Bucky’s back was to Steve, he didn’t turn around as Steve approached. His shoulders were a rigid line. He was staring down Hill who sat across from him.

She didn’t break eye contact when she said, “Me and Barnes were discussing the plan Fury has concerning the woman who came after you.”

“A dumb ass plan.” Bucky grumbled.

There wasn’t another place to sit which left Steve standing beside Bucky’s chair. He snuck one look at Bucky before focusing on Hill. His arm was the worst of the damage. It was bulky from so much bandaging and held close to his body by a worn sling.

“Tell me.” Steve said. It was tempting to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, to try to soothe some of the tension he was carrying. Instead Steve crossed his arms.

Hill broke their staring match to speak to Steve directly. “Fury wanted to talk to you himself.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Bucky demanded.

“Fury’s not here?” Steve looked around, half expecting Fury to come striding in from some random corner of the cabin.

“Not at the moment.” Hill answered Steve. “He needed to take care of some things.”

Steve would have pressed her on the vague answer if he thought he would get anywhere.

“Well when is he going to be back?”

“Soon.” was Hill’s short reply.

Steve sighed and went to lean on the table, then thought better of it. The thing seemed ready to collapse at a moment’s notice.

“You can at least tell me what you told Bucky.” Steve decided. He wanted to know what had gotten Bucky upset. He couldn’t imagine what he would agree to that Bucky opposed so vehemently.

Hill was quiet for a moment. She chose her words cautiously. “I know lots of things have changed since everything that happened with the Accords. Most notably you and Barnes have been an inseparable team when it comes to field work. But this is an enemy we cannot lose against and considering what you’ve been through, the best play-”

Bucky interrupted. “They think I can’t handle this fight.”

“What?” Steve didn’t understand.

Hill was frustrated. “That’s not what I said.”

“But it’s what you _meant_.” Bucky was apparently just as frustrated as she was. His metal hand was clenched in a tight fist on the table.

Steve still wasn’t following the conversation. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying it’s in everyone’s best interest if Barnes sits this one out.” Hill stated. She sat back in her seat and watched Steve to gauge his reaction.

Now Steve understood Bucky’s sour mood. If he hadn’t already it was made even more obvious when Bucky spat out, “Bullshit.”

Steve’s initial reaction was to agree with Bucky. The last few years alone were more than enough to prove Bucky was a force to be reckoned with. Plus there was no else Steve trusted as much to watch his back. Hill had been right when she said they’d been inseparable since the whole mess with Tony and the Accords. They’d assembled a new team together; not quite the Howling Commandos or the Avengers but still something.

“We found you half dead out there. If you confront her in the state you’re in you’ll die.” Hill fired back.

Steve felt sick.

“Maybe I’m not at one hundred percent,” Bucky conceded, “but that doesn’t mean I’m useless.”

“No one is calling you useless.” Hill said and leaned forward “We’re talking about your life. The risk isn’t worth taking. We don’t have the manpower to help you out there. And if you did make it out, there’s no way you wouldn’t sustain more injuries. Add that to the ones you already have and our limited resources? Your chance of survival is slim at best.” There was no doubt in Hill’s voice. Her certainty was a punch to the gut.

“I am not going to sit here doing nothing.” Bucky replied determined. The metal of his fingers grated from how tightly he clenched his hand.

“This is the best plan we’ve got…” They delved back into arguing while Steve stood considering.

If it was him, he would have told Hill the same thing. He wouldn’t be able to sit on the sidelines doing nothing while other people fought the tough battles. He never could.

Except.

The part of Steve that was guilt ridden agreed with Hill. Everything that had happened confirmed Steve couldn’t protect him. Bucky could die. In the end, that left Steve with no other option.

Bucky was going to hate him, which was justifiable. After all, how fucking rich this would be coming from Steve, the guy who enlisted when a cold could’ve killed him? Steve hated himself for the hypocrisy.

But he’d rather Bucky hate him and be safe than go back to the miserable excuse for a life he’d been living when he believed Bucky was dead.

Steve cleared his throat. “Hill, could you give us a minute?”

Hill stopped mid-sentence when Steve spoke. She considered him, her eyes narrowed slightly. Whatever she saw convinced her to go because she nodded and stepped out the back door leading outside.

Steve walked slowly over to her vacant seat. This was not going to be easy. He wasn’t even sure it was the right thing to do. But something had broken inside him when he had to watch that woman torturing Bucky and he couldn’t care about what was right. Not when it was still so fresh their wounds had barely healed.

“Can you believe that?” Bucky already looked more relaxed now it was just the two of them.

Steve opened his mouth then shut it. He had no idea how to begin this conversation. It was too hard to look at Bucky. He studied the stains stretching across the tabletop.

Bucky must have sensed his uneasiness. “Steve?” He reached forward and brushed his fingers over Steve’s knuckles. Steve almost recoiled. He was struck with the memory of him doing the same to Bucky, when they’d both been strapped to those tables.

Bucky noticed and withdrew the small contact. Steve didn’t know how to ask for it back.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you remember when I got into that real bad fight?” Steve asked softly.

Bucky snorted. Steve could hear his smile without needing to look up at him. “Which one?”

“Back when we were living in Brooklyn; the one that landed me in the hospital with a concussion and a broke nose.” Steve reminded him. It had been one of the rougher altercations he’d been a part of. The other guy had been huge and he hadn’t pulled any punches with Steve. Bucky had been so pissed off when he found Steve lying in a hospital cot.

“Yeah.” Bucky said unsure. “Some poor dame found you in the alley. She was convinced you were dead.”

“That’s the one.” Steve confirmed. He paused. He wanted to put this in a way Bucky might understand. “Do you remember what you said when you brought me home?”

“Why’re you asking me about that?” Bucky asked, matching Steve’s quiet tone.

“Just answer me.” Steve met Bucky’s eyes and saw the confusion there. He copied Bucky’s earlier gesture and reached across the table, clasping his hand. “Please.”

Bucky welcomed the hold. He gripped Steve’s hand firmly. When he spoke he sounded hesitant, like he was searching for the memory, trying to find the right words. “I told you not to pull crap like that anymore…that next time it might be an early grave you end up in instead of the hospital…I said I wouldn’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

Steve swallowed. “The thing is I know what it’s like to lose you.”

“Stevie-”

Steve held up his other hand to stop him. “Let me say this.” Bucky looked distressed. Probably because Steve was doing a poor job of hiding his grief, but he nodded, prompting Steve to go on. “I lost you…and where you used to be there was a hole in my world. I couldn’t fill it so I kept falling in it because I _missed_ you so much.”

_I missed seeing you every day. Hearing you laugh, your things mixed in with mine, waking you up in the morning, even those awful double dates. I wanted it all back. I wanted you back._

He couldn’t breathe. He was back in that bar, Peggy doing her best to comfort him as he downed drinks that didn’t affect him.

Bucky brought him to the present by squeezing his hand. “I’m here.” He stroked his thumb down the arch of Steve’s hand.

Steve pleaded, from his eyes to his voice. “And I need you to stay here.”

“Of course, Stevie. I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky agreed, not realizing what Steve was asking.

Steve shook his head. “No Buck, I mean…” It took a moment for him to force the words out. “Maybe Hill is right.”

Bucky stopped the soothing motions of his thumb as he processed the information. A few seconds passed while the words sunk in. Then he pulled away from Steve completely. Though he didn’t want to, Steve let him go.

“You’re kidding.” Bucky said in disbelief.

“This is about your life.” Steve wasn’t going to change his mind about it.

“You’re not kidding.” Bucky stared at Steve in mute shock, like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It didn’t take long for that to turn into heated ranting. “You’re telling me this? _You_? After everything you did to enlist when a strong wind would have knocked you over?”

“Bucky, please, can’t you see-”

“No! You should understand better than anyone why I can’t do that.” It was a test of Steve’s resolve to see how betrayed Bucky felt. He wanted to take it back. He wanted to tell Bucky of course they would go out there together, they were a team. But he couldn’t.

“You should understand better than anyone why I can’t watch you get yourself killed.” Steve reminded him. He never thought he would find himself in this role reversal, him convincing Bucky not to go do something stupid and Bucky refusing to listen.

“This isn’t the same. You can’t compare who I am now to who you were back then.”  Bucky said, digging his heels in. He wasn’t going to change his mind about this either. The lack of regard for his own life caused anger to burn its way through Steve.

“Why are you acting like it doesn’t matter if you live?” Steve demanded. The irony wasn’t lost on him. How had Bucky dealt with this all those years when he bandaged Steve up after all the fights he picked?

“You heard Hill!” Bucky exclaimed, banging his fist on the table. The metal on metal screech echoed through the cabin. “They don’t have the manpower. You need all the help you can get!”

“I heard her say that was a reason you needed to stay away.” Steve argued.

Bucky stood unsteady on his feet. On instinct Steve got up to help him. He took one step forward then stopped. Bucky wouldn’t accept his help right now. “Damn it. You can’t ask me to do this.” Bucky fumed. He limped the couple feet of space separating him and Steve. “You can’t ask me to be okay with you going out there alone. I can’t watch you go for the same reason you want me to stay.” Bucky toppled into his space. He grabbed Steve’s shoulder with his metal hand and Steve startled at the contact.

“Listen to me Steve,” He gripped Steve forcefully like he was emphasizing his point. Steve knew it was mostly because he needed the balance. “I would never forgive myself if I did nothing and you didn’t make it back.” Bucky was right in his face, close enough Steve could see the dark circles under his eyes and the dried blood crusting the edges of some of his bandages.

“I’ll come back.” Steve promised. “You don’t have worry about me like you used to.”

Bucky kept swaying as if he was a moment away from falling. Without thinking Steve steadied him, placing his arm around Bucky’s left side. An apology was ready on his lips; sure Bucky was going to push him away. Bucky tightened his hold on him instead.

“What if you don’t?” He asked lowly.

All the fight had gone out of Bucky. In its place Steve recognized fear. Steve was scared too. He needed Bucky too much; and in his own way, Bucky needed him too. As gently as he could, Steve pulled Bucky into a half hug. “I will.” He quietly vowed. Bucky’s hand slipped down to Steve’s bicep while his head rested on Steve’s shoulder.

“You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for me.” Steve added. He leaned against the wall and Bucky leaned on him.

“Don’t you know I’d give anything for you?” Bucky breathed into his skin.

_I don’t deserve that._

Steve couldn’t say that. “I know.” He replied instead, wishing he could draw this moment out. They held each other a little longer than necessary, but eventually Steve pulled back enough to look down at Bucky. Bucky had to know.

“I would give anything for you too.” He said earnestly.

_I want to give you everything._

Bucky gave a slight nod of his in response. His eyes fell to Steve’s lips for a moment.

A flip switched.

Before their embrace had been about comfort, now it was something else entirely. In the span of those couple seconds Steve became aware of how close they were. Despite his determination not to, he felt the unfairly powerful desire to kiss Bucky.

Of course he wouldn’t. Steve was well practiced when it came to repressing these things and over the years his restraint had been hard won. Even so, his lips parted without his permission and he waited, for what exactly he didn’t know. Just for… _something,_ the air between them was too charged. The tension had to break somehow.

Steve watched through half lidded eyes as Bucky leaned in, his expression unreadable.

“Steve, I...” Bucky never sounded like that before. His voice tight with some emotion Steve chose not to identify.

“Yeah?” Steve wasn’t sure Bucky heard him. Steve wasn’t even sure if he’d spoken aloud. Everything had a distinct dreamlike quality to it; the way he and Bucky were drawn together, leaning closer like two magnets that had finally gotten near enough they were being pulled toward each other.

Steve’s eyes closed. Bucky started saying something else, Steve didn’t hear what because Bucky was millimeters away and his mouth made only hints of contact on Steve’s lips. It seemed natural to close the distance. The notion hardly crossed Steve’s mind before he was acting on it.

The back door was flung open. The fervid moment vanished. Steve backed off faster than it took for the door to bang into the wall. In his hurry he ended up whacking his leg into the table, causing the whole thing to crash into the ground.

Fury strode into the room. He took in the scene: Steve all but hopping in place trying to keep his weight off the leg he’d just hurt, Bucky bright red and stumbling into the space Steve left behind  and the knocked over table. He raised an eyebrow, “What the hell did I walk into?”

“Nothing.” Steve lied. His leg throbbed so much he had trouble remembering how normal people were supposed to stand. Blushing would have been no problem but Steve’s cheeks were burning scarlet.

“You’re a bad liar. Lucky for you I don’t care about your relationship problems. We have other matters to discuss.” Fury sidestepped the table and walked past them into the adjoining living room. “Follow me gentlemen.”

Steve sought to catch Bucky’s eye, he had to explain, apologize. Bucky wasn’t having it. He bit out the words _Later, Steve_ , then followed Fury.

Steve swallowed his words and nodded. Once in the living room they took opposite ends of the threadbare couch facing the ratty armchair Fury occupied. Looking at Bucky was not an option. He hunched his shoulders and let the mortification wash over him.

Fury got straight into it. “When we were hunting down Hydra, we left no stone unturned. And we ended up turning over a pretty big stone. Beyond this world big.”

He focused on Fury and pushed down everything else. Like Bucky said, they would deal with it later.

“What did you find?” Bucky inquired. His demeanor was all business.

Fury regarded them. “Either of you ever heard of Infinity Stones?” It wasn’t obvious but Steve noticed Fury watching Bucky carefully.

“Means nothing to me.” Bucky told him.

Steve echoed the sentiment. “No, what are they?”

“The reason you were kidnapped.” Fury answered.

Steve wasn’t in the mood for cryptic riddles. “What are they?” He repeated forcefully.

“The intel we’ve gathered says something big, something powerful that we’ve barely scratched the surface of. You’ve already seen a couple of them.” Fury gave Steve a knowing look.

Steve raked his memories. He’d seen a lot of the powerful and unexplainable. Then it struck him. The woman, she had wanted-

“The tesseract.” Steve said.

“The one and only.” Fury acknowledged. “The other we’ve seen is what animates Stark’s new friend.”

“You’re talking about Vision.” Steve ventured. He recalled the events of Ultron; how alarmed they’d been when Thor showed up and used the gem from Loki’s staff to create a new ally.

“And from what I’ve found it seems your Asgardian friend, Thor, has dealt with another on his own. Hydra has entire research cells dedicated to these things.” This was the most stressed Steve had seen Fury. His eyebrows appeared permanently arched like he was annoyed. His posture was alert, ready to move at a moment’s notice. “But Hydra isn’t the only one looking for them.”

“That woman, she wasn’t with Hydra?” Bucky questioned.

“She’s worse.” Fury hesitated. “We think her name is Nebula. She’s strong and she’s been ruthless in searching for the stones.”

Steve had so many questions he didn’t know where to start. “How do you know all this?” He settled on that one first.

“A Hydra file dated two years ago detailed a small meteor crash off a remote Polynesian island. Turns out it wasn’t a meteor.”

“You’re saying this woman crash landed here from space?” Bucky was skeptical. Steve understood the feeling. It was overwhelming, learning about these forces so much greater than themselves.

“It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve faced extraterrestrials.” Fury remarked. “We looked into it. They were able to track her movements, using their information we put a mole in place.”

“You put someone inside her operation?” Steve shouldn’t have been surprised. But he couldn’t imagine sending someone into that. He’d only escaped by the skin of his teeth.

Fury looked grim.

“You lost them.” Steve inferred.

“No.” Fury corrected. “I went in.”

Bucky continued to surprise Steve with how cold and unforgiving he sounded. “That’s how she got to me and Steve.”

“What?” Steve turned to Bucky in confusion.

Bucky didn’t look away from Fury. “Think about it. She figured out she was being spied on then got all the intel she could outta him. Who knows what information she has? Enough to know how to contact you and set a trap.”

Steve faced Fury again. “How the hell did you get out?”

Fury rolled up the sleeves of his dark jacket and held his forearm out for inspection. Needle tracks scarred his skin. “Painfully.” He said. “The drug she uses wasn’t as potent then. Judging from the state you two had been in though I assume she’s since perfected it.” He rolled his sleeve up.

“All of us know this isn’t a threat we can underestimate.” Fury went on. “Right now we’re in a rare position to take her out.”

“How?” Bucky was acting as harsh as he’d been during his conversation with Hill.

Fury took it in stride. “If what we’ve observed is right, she’s getting ready to leave this base. She doesn’t stick around places very long. My estimate is she’ll be gone by the end of the week. We have to strike before that happens.”

This wasn’t sitting right with Steve. It was too rushed. “You’ve been tracking her, why can’t we wait? We can call in some of the others, and it will give us more time to recover.” Steve gestured to himself and Bucky.

Fury shook his head and explained. “In an ideal world that would happen. But she has been getting harder to trace with each location change. The reason we know exactly where her base is now is because of where we found you two.”

“Where does that leave us? What’s your plan?” Bucky asked before Steve could.

“Simple.” Fury said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Strike teams led by myself, the Captain here and a couple of our friends will enter the base and search for Nebula. Whoever finds her first will notify the others of her location. After that, we all engage.”

Steve sat back and crossed his arms. “And who are these other friends?”  That was one part of Fury’s plan that had Steve suspicious. Fury had once considered Alexander Pierce a friend.

Fury sounded almost amused when he said, “Depends on who gets here fast enough.”

“And if no gets here in time?” Bucky pressed again before Steve could tell Fury to give him a straight answer.

Fury lost all traces of amusement, turning weary. “If this is about what Hill told you earlier-”

Bucky interrupted loudly. “You’re damn right it is.”

“Then you already know where I stand.” Fury talked over him, “This is about your safety.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Bullshit. You don’t care about my safety. You don’t want me there because you don’t trust me.”

Fury was quiet, calculating. “You’re right.” He agreed eventually. “I tend to distrust people who shoot me.”

“Oh for fucks sake.” Steve said annoyed. “The Winter Soldier shot you, not Bucky Barnes.”

“Funny how they look exactly alike.” Fury countered.

“This is ridiculous. You can’t hold him accountable for Hydra’s brainwashing.” Steve had to hold back from shouting.

“You could be right.” Fury conceded, putting his hands in the air. “He could be considered the longest held POW in history. That changes a man just as much as being the Winter Soldier would.” He glanced at Bucky. “How can you be sure you can trust him when from what I hear a few phrases in Russian and suddenly we’re dealing with the world’s deadliest assassin?”

Steve wanted to hit something. He was prepared to argue but Bucky stopped him with one hand to his shoulder.

“It’s okay. You’re not going to change his mind.” He squeezed once, then stood up.

“Bucky wait.” Steve protested. It was too late; the other man was already leaving.  Seconds later a door slammed shut. Steve didn’t blame him for not sticking around. Bucky didn’t expect people to believe him, to care about the truth.

Fury said nothing while Steve reined in his temper. He took a deep breath. “I know Bucky is not the same man I knew in the forties. But he is _still_ my best friend. I trust him because when it comes down to it, he has _always_ looked out for me.” He spoke with an air of finality.

Fury didn’t stop him when he got up to leave too. However he did stop in front of the hall when Fury said, “He’s dangerous. Not just because he’s unpredictable, but because he’s your blind spot.”

He chose not to respond. It was nothing Steve wasn’t already aware of.

Walking further he got to the front of Bucky’s door. He got as far as raising his hand to knock. Then hesitated; he wasn’t ready to face Bucky yet. Dealing with Fury on top of everything else was more than enough, plus their near-kiss in the kitchen put another complicated spin on the situation. Steve flushed red again. Unbelievable. How could he have forgotten his self-control so badly?

Steve’s headache made a fierce comeback. He retreated to the relative safety of his room. Once inside he laid on his bed. It couldn’t have been more than a couple hours since he’d woken up yet he was drained. More than anything he wanted to escape everything through a few hours of sleep. 

 

oOo

A few days passed and Steve had not worked up the nerve to approach Bucky. To be fair most of that time had been spent in bed recovering. In spite of the close quarters, their paths didn’t cross often though. Steve suspected it was because Bucky was avoiding him. Arguably because he was mad about Steve siding with Fury and Hill. Their encounter in the kitchen had to being playing a role too.

It was possible Steve was avoiding him too. Just a bit. Stick Steve in most any situation and he would construct a plan and deal with it.

Aliens invading New York? Evacuate, set up blocks to rein in the attack.

Tony and Bruce create an AI who becomes hell-bent on human extinction?  Shut it down.

Bucky? Steve faltered.

Letting the silence go on didn’t sit right with Steve. At the same time, he didn’t want to push. Forcing the issue would cause Bucky to put more distance between them.

So Steve let him be. He filled his days sleeping, eating, and healing. When he walked he didn’t worry about falling over, his bruises weren’t so dark, his bones were close to mended. Today, he was also waiting. Fury had gone out again to bring in these “friends”.

Under no circumstances did he think about the not quite kiss.

Steve was in the middle of heating up canned tomato soup (it had been their main staple at the cabin) on a hot plate because asking this kitchen to host a stove would have been too much. He left it simmering in favor of searching for a clean spoon. Their meager supply of cutlery meant perpetually dirty dishes. A few minutes into his hunt the back door opened.

“Every time I see you, your shirts are tighter. Or are your muscles bigger?”

Steve spun around. “Clint?” Barton was the last person he expected to see here. “Reporting for duty, Captain.” The man said, giving Steve a mock salute and cheery grin.

“Keep it in your pants, Barton.” Natasha came in, followed by Fury. “He’s a taken man.”

“Nat!” Steve greeted her warmly. He hadn’t seen her, either of them in some time. “Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?” Steve directed at Fury. The rest of Natasha’s sentence registered. “Wait, I’m what?”

Natasha smirked. Then slapped Clint’s hand away from Steve’s soup, exasperated she said, “Really, Barton?”

Clint held his hand to his chest, “Really what? Why do you hit so hard? _Christ_.” He complained.

“He’s fine.” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“He’s not fine!” Clint proclaimed dramatically.

Steve fought a smile. He’d missed the rest of his team.

“To answer your question, I wasn’t sure it was them who’d be here. Like I said whoever got here first.” Fury cut in.

Clint crossed his arms. “I’m offended you doubted us.”

It was Fury’s turn to look exasperated. “Come on Barton, I told you on the way over I could use your eye on some mission specs.”

“Oh yeah.” Clint said, “I did say I’d do that. Lead the way.” The two filed out of the kitchen. “Always a pleasure Rogers!” He called as he went.

“I didn’t know you two were working together again.” Steve voiced. “How long has that been going on?”

Nat stepped into the kitchen. “Too long.” She said on an exhale, acting like she was bothered. The amusement in her eyes told Steve otherwise. She looked Steve over. “Are you okay?” He shied away from her scrutiny. Natasha had a way of seeing everything he didn’t want her to.

“I’ve been better.” Steve hedged. Not a lie. Not a real answer either. Nat let him get away with it. For now anyways, knowing her she’d bring it up later.

“You have looked better.” She teased.

Steve put a hand to his heart. “Ouch. I might have to bring Barton back in here.”

“You could. He has Captain America underwear you know.” Natasha informed him. Steve blinked. She shouldered past him to the cupboards.  “Does Fury keep any coffee in this sad excuse of a safe house?”

“Excuse me?” Steve managed at last.

“I guess you shouldn’t feel too special. He has a pair for every Avenger.” She hummed in disapproval. Her caffeine search had yielded no results.

“How do you even know this?” Steve ignored the pang of guilt that came when she mentioned the Avengers.

“Who do you think bought them for him?” Nat replied. “Your soup is burning.”  She pointed to the bubbling saucepan.

Steve cursed under his breath as he turned the heat off.  When he turned back to Nat she was holding two spoons.

“Where did you…?” Natasha raised her eyebrow. “Never mind.” Steve shook his head and smiled. “Help yourself.”

“Thanks Rogers.” Natasha hopped up and sat on the counter. “Sweet of you to cook for me.” She added then dipped her spoon into the red, congealed mess.

Steve took his own spoonful. “Only the best for you.”

“Будем здоровы.” Nat clinked their spoons in a mock toast.

Both of them grimaced at the taste. It left a processed and chemical taste lingering on Steve’s tongue. The food could have been better, but the company more than made up for it. Natasha entertained him with stories of the more memorable missions she and Clint had been on, and Steve listened and laughed. It was a refreshing change of pace. They carried on well after they’d finished eating.

Eventually Natasha brought the conversation to the one thing Steve was hoping they’d avoid. “How is Bucky doing?” Nat inquired casually.

Apprehensive, Steve said, “He’s alright.”

Natasha studied him. Steve fidgeted and looked away.

“Something happened.” She declared.

“That’s an understatement.” Steve scoffed. “That’s the reason we’re all here, isn’t it?”

Natasha frowned. “I’m not talking about Nebula. Something happened between you and Bucky.”

Steve gathered their dishes to carry to the sink. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Steve wished the cabin was bigger; there would be more places to hide.

“That’s the problem. Neither of you talk to the other.” Natasha admonished. She jumped down from the counter in a quick and graceful move.

“We’re partners. We talk all the time.” Steve reminded her.

“You talk but you don’t say anything.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Steve dropped the dishes more forcefully than he intended. They clattered loudly in the sink. “Sorry.” Steve murmured. He braced his palms on the sink’s edge and hung his head. This thing concerning Bucky had been buried in Steve for so long. He didn’t think about it, he definitely did not talk about it. An incredible amount of effort had been put into keeping it a _secret_.

And Bucky probably suspected now and Steve _did not_ know how to deal with that. Let alone talk to Natasha about it. There was no use wondering how she’d figured it out. It was her job to know everything.

“I can’t talk about this. Not yet.” Steve said, still staring down at the sink.

“Steve?” Bucky’s sleep rough voice drifted into the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

Steve took a breath and composed himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He let go of the sink and faced Bucky. “What’s up?”

Bucky yawned against his palm. “I thought I heard something.”

“Sorry, that was me.” Steve apologized. Their interaction was too polite. Steve didn’t know how to act around him.

“Barnes.” Nat greeted him, expression neutral.

Bucky responded stiffly. “Romanov.” 

Awkward silence stifled the room.

Bucky began to shuffle back down the hall when Nat stopped him by saying, “Don’t leave on my account. I’m going. Someone has to make sure Clint hasn’t built a fort on the roof.” She advanced to the back door. Over her shoulder she said, “And Steve? Don’t wait until it’s too late to say something.”

Her parting comment left Bucky wondering. “What was that about?”

“Your guess is as good as mine, pal.” Steve said while considering the suggestion. During the course of their friendship Steve had learned to trust Natasha’s opinion.

Bucky shrugged and rummaged through the cabinet.

Steve was having an internal battle. Bucky was here. They were alone. This was an opportunity to talk. His nerves were in a frenzy at the prospect of opening up.

“Steve?” The way Bucky said his name indicated he’d already said it a few times.

“Hmm?” Steve hummed. Bucky held up a glass. “I asked if you could move? So I can get some water?”

“Sorry! Of course.” Steve stepped aside. Their shoulders brushed when Bucky moved to the sink.  

Steve struggled to find the right words. How did he start?

Bucky filled his glass and finished his water in big gulps. After setting the glass down Bucky gave him a taut smile and hurried to edge his way past.

Steve had to act. He couldn’t do nothing.

Riding a rush of courage, Steve called, “Wait.”

Bucky halted. He watched Steve expectantly. Steve’s throat was tight. He didn’t remember how to speak.

“Yeah?” Bucky encouraged.

_Say something._

Steve opened his mouth but nothing came out. He was fighting every ingrained impulse that was begging him to stay quiet. A few more tense seconds passed.

“Nothing.” Steve croaked.

“Oh.” Bucky sounded disappointed. He was biting his lip, seeming like he was going to say something more. All he did say was “Well…see you.”

“See you.” Steve creaked at his retreating figure.

Once he was alone Steve pressed his palms to his eyes and groaned. Well that had sucked.

 

oOo

A couple more days passed. Steve worked up the courage to approach Bucky again. It was difficult to do when he had choked so badly last time.

Natasha didn’t try to coax him into talking. She did give him reprimanding looks; she had been ever since she realized he hadn’t listened to her. Her first words when she saw him again had been, “Unbelievable. You can save the world a few times but a discussion about feelings is too much?” Steve hadn’t argued. She had a good point.

Clint, bless him, remained oblivious to Steve’s personal drama. Or he faked it well. Either way, Steve appreciated it.

Fury and Hill seemed forever scowling over last minute plan details. They were scheduled to leave the next morning. There were a few men Fury had who were coming as back up. Two were with Steve since he hadn’t made a full recovery, one was with Hill and the last was with Clint.

To test his strength Steve had been sparring carefully with Nat. By no means was he near top fighting condition. His punches were shakier, his reflexes weren’t up to speed, some of his injuries still ached, especially the bones he had broken. It would have to do; besides even weakened Steve wasn’t useless.

Whenever Steve spotted Bucky he was frowning.

He couldn’t leave like this. Not while Bucky was angry and their friendship off balance.

That was the galvanizing factor for Steve. He resolved to talk to Bucky. No matter what the outcome may be.

Natasha sought him out in the evening. “I haven’t seen you all day. I had to spar with Clint and he’s a sore loser.” She kicked the door shut behind her. “Nervous about tomorrow?”

“No.” Steve denied. Then admitted, “Yes, but not just for the obvious reasons.”

She tilted her head to the side. Steve knew she was curious yet she didn’t ask. She leaned against his desk. Steve had been scribbling down notes on it all afternoon.

“What’s kept you so busy today?”

Steve deliberated on how to reply to her. “I’m following your advice.”

Natasha made no attempt to hide her perceptive smile. “Glad you’re finally getting with the program. Good thing I’m patient when it comes to senior citizens.”

“You know what, Romanov.” Steve chastised in humor.

Nat shared a laugh with him and then became a little more serious. “I know…” She started, conveying what she wanted carefully. “You’re afraid. Don’t be.”

“Easier said than done.” Steve pointed out. He fumbled with the notes he had.

“It doesn’t have to be.” Nat said easily. She opened the door. “Whatever you do, do it soon. We leave early and you need all the rest you can get.”

“Understood.” Steve didn’t pay notice to the anxiety that twisted his stomach. “Hey Nat? Thank you.” Steve infused as much gratitude as he could into the sentiment.

Nat only smirked. She was gone without another sound.

Steve brought his attention back to the notes. He’d figured if he wrote everything down it would (hopefully) prevent him from freezing again. So far he’d been unsatisfied with what he’d produced. The paper had more scribbles and crossed out lines than actual words. Writing had never been his talent. His creativity was better suited to sketch paper and charcoal.

Every tick of the clock drove home the fact time was not on his side.

What he had was good enough. He had the basics, everything else was just details. Steve summoned every ounce of courage he possessed and went to Bucky’s room.

 

oOo

His door was open.

He was sitting at his desk, flipping a knife with his flesh hand. The cast had come off earlier that day at Bucky’s insistence. After a particularly complex move Bucky dropped the knife grimacing, he cradled his injured hand. Dark purple bruises streaked across his knuckles and stretched into his fingers.

Steve made his presence known by knocking two quiet beats on the door. Bucky noticed him and hid any signs he was in pain. He bent over to retrieve the knife. “You need something?”

“I hoped we could talk. Can I come in?” Steve requested. He flat out refused to let his nerves get to him. This time he was prepared.

Bucky straightened up. “Sure.” He gestured to his bed. Steve had just sat when Bucky spoke.

“This is about tomorrow. And I told you I don’t agree with this dumb ass plan.” Bucky jammed the knife into its sheath.

Steve sighed. This was already off to a rocky start.

“You’re angry, I get it.” Steve tried to placate him.

“I thought you did!” Bucky burst out. He ran his hands through his hair and groaned, “It doesn’t matter. Your friends don’t trust me.”

That was an entire other issue Steve didn’t have the time to get into. “I trust you, and the only reason I agreed with Fury was because I don’t want you hurt.”

“I’m _fine_.” Bucky persisted.

Steve threw his hands up in exasperation. “You can barely walk!”

“Like you’re doing any better!” Bucky exclaimed, jabbing a finger in Steve’s direction.

Steve made a visible effort to calm down. He wasn’t there for a screaming match. “I didn’t come in to argue, Buck.”

Bucky radiated irritation, from his crossed arms to narrowed eyes. “Then what did you come in here for?”

This was it. Rip the band aid off.

“That day, in the kitchen we almost…” Steve resisted the blush threatening to stain his cheeks.

Bucky froze. Steve could see more of his walls going up.

“I thought we were ignoring that.” he finally voiced, flat and monotone.

Steve’s heart fell. That was hard to hear. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” Bucky was quick to say.

Oh.

Steve felt defeated. Perhaps there was no point in continuing. If Bucky wanted to forget it happened, Steve didn’t want to press matter. The message was loud and clear.

“Well okay.” Steve stood up. His legs were like jelly. He hated how heavy Bucky’s subtle rejection weighed on his chest. “I’m gonna…” He pointed to the door.

Bucky stared resolutely at the floor. “Bye Steve.”

Steve couldn’t speak. He just grunted in acknowledgement and got the hell out. On the other side of Bucky’s door, Steve flopped against the wood. The doorknob poked his back. Steve ignored it.

He shouldn’t have expected anything different. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Nat had said earlier he needed rest. What he should do was go back to his own room. He didn’t move.

Because the longer he stood there, the more he realized it was harder to stuff his feelings back into the box he’d kept them in for years. The lid had popped off. There wasn’t a way to force it back on.

_Don’t wait until it’s too late._

Isn’t that what Steve had nearly done; Nebula hadn’t been the first enemy to almost destroy them, and she wouldn’t be the last.

Steve stormed into Bucky’s room and slammed the door behind him. Adrenaline rushed throughout his body. “I can’t ignore it.”

Bucky looked at Steve wide eyed. “Steve, don’t.” He was afraid; it caught Steve off guard.

“What?”

“Don’t do this. I know, okay? I already know and I’m sorry.” Bucky implored. He had a certain desperation about him Steve hadn’t been expecting. It didn’t make sense.

Steve was bewildered. “What are you sorry about?” There was nothing for Bucky to be sorry for.

“Don’t act stupid.” Bucky snapped. The anger deflated out of him in a second. “Don’t make me say it. I shouldn’t have...done that.” He trailed off.

That clarified nothing to Steve. “Buck, you didn’t do anything.”

Bucky appraised him critically. “Are you delusional?”

“Are _you_?” Steve felt like they were having two different conversations.

“I tried to kiss you!” Bucky shouted. “I know we don’t talk about this,” he gestured to himself, “about how I feel, because it would make things too complicated, especially since I came back, and then during the war you had Peggy and anyone with eyes could see you two were made for each other, and even if that wasn’t the case I never stood a chance in hell because we’re friends and you don’t see me that way.” Bucky hardly took a breath through his rant. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve accepted it because someone like you deserves better than me anyway.” He finished his speech breathing hard.

Bucky sat with his hands clenched his lap, he stared at Steve expectantly. Steve stared back, dumbfounded.

Bucky’s confessions left him reeling. He had no idea where to start sorting through the explosion of information. His knee jerk reaction was denial. How could he have gotten it so wrong? It wasn’t possible. Couldn’t he see Steve was the one who’d been wanting all this time; Bucky had it mixed up.

“Would you say something already?” Bucky projected bravado but Steve recognized his nervous tells. His leg bounced imperceptibly to the untrained eye and his mouth twitched like he was trying not to bite his lip.

Steve shook off his shock.

“How could you not know?” He blurted, still wrapping his head around the situation.

“What?” Bucky scrunched his nose in confusion. “Steve, are you listening to what I’m saying? I’m telling you I-”

Steve raised his palm and shushed him. “How could you not know I’ve been hopelessly in love with you since we were kids?”

Bucky gaped, open-mouthed.

For so long Steve had been afraid of what would happen if Bucky found out. He’d refused to even think the word in his head because it made his blood run cold. But finally saying it turned out to be easier than he ever imagined.

_I love you._

He would never be able to put the lid back on the box.

Bucky did not move a muscle. Steve wasn’t sure he even blinked.  A minute passed and nothing from Bucky, not a peep. Cautious, Steve approached him. Kneeling down on hard floor was harder than he estimated it to be. A couple of his joints popped, it was by no means graceful. He searched out Bucky’s eyes. “You still with me?”

Steve dared to nudge Bucky’s hand.

_Don’t push._

Steve waited patiently for Bucky to come back to himself. When he did he cleared his throat and returned Steve’s gaze. “You never said…I didn’t…why didn’t you?” Bucky wondered quietly.

“Why didn’t you?” Steve was as soft spoken.

Bucky raised his hands to Steve’s face. Steve kept his flattened on Bucky’s thighs. “‘Cause I’m a dumb jerk.” Bucky said and leaned down while Steve straightened up until their lips met in an unhurried kiss.  

Bucky kissed him gently, along his jaw, at the corners of his mouth. The sweetness of it had Steve’s head spinning. He’d never pictured it like this. He’d barely allowed himself to picture it all. Steve was quivering from disbelief and utter amazement because he was _kissing Bucky_ and he _never_ believed that was possible. He grasped Bucky’s thighs tighter when Bucky opened his mouth and sucked wet and tantalizing patterns over his lips. Desire had Steve feeling too hot in his clothes. He grew impatient with the slow pace. Bucky sighed low and eager as Steve tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

Bucky’s hair fell forward and tickled Steve’s face. When he went to push it away, he used the opportunity to tangle his fingers in it. The locks slid across his fingertips like silk. The longer their kiss went on, the more heated things became. At the same time, Steve’s knees ached from the wooden floor.

He broke their connection to mutter, “As much as I’m enjoying this, maybe we go somewhere more comfortable?”

Bucky didn’t open his eyes, just hummed “Yeah” and pressed another kiss to Steve’s chin.

Steve laughed. “I’m serious Buck, c’mon.” He pulled himself up and grasped Bucky’s hands to help him do the same. He took care to keep a loose hold on Bucky’s right hand, concerned over the bones still healing there.

“Tryin’ to get me into to bed?” Bucky asked with a playful wink.

Steve tugged Bucky the few steps to his bed and sat when his legs hit the edge. “I could be.” Steve smiled up at him. He traced small circles along the backs of Bucky’s hands. Then he schooled his features into something more serious. “We don’t have to do anything.” That was important for Bucky to know. “When I came in here to talk, I never expected anything like this to happen.”

“You and me both, pal.” Bucky chuckled. “What if I want somethin’ to happen?” He met Steve’s eyes directly; Steve couldn’t detect any doubt from him.

Steve’s throat felt tight. This had to be some kind of dream he’d stumbled in. His voice wasn’t as steady as he wanted it to be when he said “I’d be okay with that.” More than okay.

“Yeah?” Bucky climbed onto the bed, forcing Steve to lay back. His knees ended up on either side of Steve’s thighs.

Steve steadied him by moving his hands to Bucky’s hips. “Yeah.” Steve assented, stroking bare skin where Bucky’s shirt had ridden up.

“Good.” Bucky said and promptly leaned down to resume his exploration of Steve’s mouth. A task Steve wholeheartedly approved of. Kissing was something Steve hadn’t considered a talent of his but with Bucky he learned quickly. Slow drags of their lips led to hands roaming and grasping, to undulations of their hips and Steve ravenous for _more_. Bucky could probably feel the staccato of Steve’s heart it was beating so forcefully.

“Tell me what you want.” Bucky whispered against his ear. “When you pictured this, what did you want the most?” The question sent chills tingling down Steve’s spine. Thinking of all the possibilities had him harder than he could ever remember being in his life. But he fought to focus on answering Bucky.

“You inside me.” He decided on. “I thought about what it would feel like.” Steve gasped when Bucky used his teeth to suck an animalistic claim on his neck.

“Fuck Stevie.” The way he said _fuck,_ all fervent and emphatic, wound Steve up even more. “I want that too.”

One last lick to jaw and then suddenly Bucky was off him and getting out of bed. The room felt too cold without Bucky’s body pressed to his.

“What’re you doing?” Steve complained. He propped himself up on his elbows to see why Bucky had left. The other man had wobbled over to the desk and was using his metal hand to fling drawers open.

“Saw something in here a couple days ago…” Steve heard him grumble. Then, “Got it!” When he turned back to Steve he was smiling and holding up a couple silver packets.

“And those are?” Steve prompted, unable to tell at this distance.

“Aloe vera, it’s mixed in with all the medical crap they used to patch us up.” Bucky tossed them on the bed. They crinkled when they landed next to Steve’s elbow.

“Aloe vera?” Steve examined one of them warily.

“Unless you’ve got some lube you’re hiding from me?” Bucky’s voice was muffled. Steve looked over and saw he’d taken his shirt off. It was nothing he hadn’t already seen but this time it meant something more. Everything in him ached to touch.

“Quit it.” Bucky crossed his arms self-consciously.

“What?” Steve sat up fully. Not that he had ever outright said it but Steve knew Bucky was uncomfortable in his bare skin. Seeing all his old scars was a visual reminder of everything that had happened to him.

“Quit staring at me like that.” Bucky groused like he was annoyed.

“How am I lookin at you, Buck?” He couldn’t keep the longing out of his voice. Bucky cast his eyes down and shrugged. “I need you. All the time and it scares me.” Steve laid himself bare. Few things scared Steve; he’d always lived reckless, charging into things regardless of rules or danger. 

Bucky exhaled an unsteady breath. “Stop talking and take your clothes off.”

Wasting no time Steve pulled his shirt over his head and threw it to the side. In the span of a couple seconds Bucky was on top of him, skin to skin, warm and electrifying. This time Bucky put his leg between Steve’s and _grinded_ , sending vivid sparks of pleasure through his entire body. Steve gave as good as he got, pushing against Bucky and going as far to roll them over so he was the one on top.

“Like this.” Steve panted. “I want it like this.”

Bucky reached for one of the little packets and nodded enthusiastic, “Yeah, whatever you want.”

Steve rolled to his side to slip his pants down; he hesitated briefly before shucking his underwear off too. Bucky groaned in appreciation. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you look?” Steve flushed red down to his chest.

“You too.” Steve pulled at Bucky’s waistband.

“ _Yeah_.” Bucky repeated, allowing Steve to help him work the clothing down and off. Greedy, Steve memorized every inch of exposed skin. His mouth watered, tempted to map out with tongue and teeth all the curves and planes of Bucky’s body. “Come back here.” Bucky hauled Steve over to him.

Steve was guided into a position on all fours. The gel was cold on Bucky’s metal fingers; Steve hadn’t even realized Bucky had ripped open the packet until he was circling the slick around his hole. The sudden sensation had Steve tensing in anticipation.

“Relax.” Bucky urged softly. “M’ gonna take care of you.”

Taking a deep breath, Steve made an effort to loosen up. He kissed Bucky’s neck, messy and lazy as a distraction. Bucky worked one finger inside. The cool contrast of metal caused Steve to shudder. “You’re doing so good for me.” Bucky praised, gently thrusting in and out. Just like he’d been doing all night, Bucky kept the pace slow, taking the time to add more gel to his fingers and never adding more until he was sure Steve could take it. Steve appreciated it, getting lost in the simple pleasure of Bucky working him open.

“You okay?” Bucky checked.

“Mhmm.” Steve moaned against his chest. “Think I’m ready.”

Now Bucky shuddered. Steve sat up and retrieved the last of the aloe vera. Nervous, he squeezed it onto his palm and reached down. Bucky shivered when Steve wrapped a hand around his dick, smoothing the rest of the gel onto it. It almost like touching himself but a million times better because it was _Bucky_ and he got to hear all his hitches of breath and bitten off whines. Once he was satisfied they were both ready, he balanced on his knees. Bucky helped him get in the right position and then he was sinking _down_ and Bucky was _inside_ him.

Steve groaned, feeling stretched and full. Below him Bucky’s left hand was twisted in the sheets, doing his best not to move until Steve had adjusted. “Fucking hell, Stevie.” Bucky sounded overwhelmed.

“I know.” Steve rolled his hips slightly. They both moaned.

Despite how frenzied he’d felt at first, Steve kept it unhurried and lazy. He rose and fell in deep and intense waves. It was important he remembered and relished each pulse of Bucky fucking into him. He wanted to be able to recall the exact way it burned, how every stroke set him on fire; he’d lived two lifetimes and in both of them he believed he would never get to know these things.

It could have been minutes or hours, Steve rode Bucky until he came, Bucky rambling incoherent adorations all the while. “Beautiful Stevie, thought about this, wanted it so bad.” After he came down from his climax Steve continued to move, circling his hips and writhing on top of Bucky until Bucky was crying out in release too.

Steve collapsed beside Bucky on the sheets, both their chests heaving. Ignoring how sweaty they were, Steve nuzzled into Bucky’s side. Several minutes passed and Bucky said. “Me too.”

“Huh?” Steve was still blissed out.

“I love you too.”

Steve smiled and kissed Bucky’s bicep, it was the closest part he could reach. Exhaustion washed over him, he didn’t feel like moving. Ever.

“Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I sleep here?”

Bucky wrapped his left arm around his shoulders. “‘Course you can.” He laid a quick kiss to Steve’s temple. For the first time in a long while, Steve drifted off to sleep peacefully, Bucky carding his fingers through Steve’s hair.

 

oOo

Early dawn light trickled in through the window. Steve had woken up because he was way hotter than normal. He opened his eyes to find he was plastered to Bucky. Steve remembered the night in a visceral flash.

A wide grin split his face. In that quiet moment Steve felt happy. Disgustingly happy.

“What’s got you so perky this early?” Bucky sounded alert, like he’d been up for a while already.

His eyes seemed grey instead of blue in this light, Steve noticed. “You.” Steve wasn’t the least bit ashamed to admit.

“Christ, shoulda figured you’d be a sap.” But he nestled closer to Steve when he said it. Steve’s spirits only continued to rise.

“Better get used to it.” All of his problems seemed a thousand miles away. They were in their own serene bubble of space.

Then Bucky had to go and pop it. “I’m coming with you today.”

“Buck-” Steve started but Bucky talked over him.

“Hear me out. Please?” He requested, quiet but firm. Steve nodded and listened while Bucky made his case. “Maybe I wouldn’t be so great on the ground right now. But give me some distance and rifle, like how we did it during the war.”

Bucky actually had a point. Steve had to consider it. Bucky had been the best damn shot any of the boys had seen on the frontlines. Those skills had only enhanced to incredible levels during his time as the Winter Soldier.

“I know you want to protect me.” Bucky went on, still being gentle yet tough. “But you can’t make those decisions for me, and you can’t feel guilty about it either. I know you, Steve. You take on the world’s burdens and make them your responsibility. It doesn’t help that you’re so goddamned determined not to bleed on anyone with your own problems either.”

Steve was speechless. It was difficult to accept what Bucky was saying; that was simply who he was.

Steve cleared his throat. “Maybe…you’re right about a couple things. I can’t control what you do, and I don’t want to. I’ll talk to Fury and the others.”

“Really?”

“You’re surprised?”

“Well yeah.” Bucky affirmed. “You’re such a stubborn punk about most things. I expected a fight.”

“Well sorry to disappoint you.” Steve sniffed. “Jerk.”

Bucky laughed, loud and bright while pulling Steve into a half hug. Steve was about to kiss him because he was allowed to do things like that now.

Suddenly Natasha announced her presence, slamming the door open. Whatever she or Bucky might have said later, Steve did not squawk at the intrusion. At the most it was a shout, albeit a higher pitched one.

“Suit up boys, we’re moving out.” She tossed clothes at their shocked faces. There was no attempt on her part to hide how amused she was. She spun around and called “Clint, you lost. You can pay me later.” She turned to them again and tapped her wrist like she was wearing a watch. “Seriously, we go in 20.” Before Steve could protest she was gone.

He gathered his uniform, stunned. “So… Nat knows.”

“She knows everything.” Bucky said, doing the same.

It occurred Steve she had thrown them both uniforms. He huffed out a laugh and shook his head. She really did know everything. If Natasha already figured Bucky was coming along on the mission then the others did too. Fury must have been annoyed when she told him.

They didn’t have time to do anything else except dress quickly and gather what they needed. Once Steve was armed with his shield and Bucky with his gun they searched for the others.

Everyone had squeezed into the living room. They walked in to see Clint handing over cash to Natasha, Hill, and Fury.

Clint noticed them first. “Really Steven, you couldn’t have held off for one more day?”

Perplexed, Steve was going to ask what the hell that meant when it clicked. “Oh my god, you all took bets on my love life.”

Unbelievable. Actually, when he thought about it, it was pretty damn believable. Clint had probably been the one to start the pool; and Natasha was a horrible enabler.

The disturbance wore off in a moment. “Hey shouldn’t we get a cut of that?” He turned to Bucky for back up. “Don’t you think we should?”

“Probably.” Bucky said. “But we won’t.”

“You picked a smart one, Rogers.” Hill remarked.

“Yet you couldn’t have picked him until after the mission.” Clint groaned. He finished handing Natasha her notes.

“Such a sore loser.” She tutted while she counted them.

“I’d like to remind everyone there’s a reason we’re here.” Fury commanded their attention. “There can’t be any mistakes on this one. Focus.”

All of them had been preparing all week. They knew what their tasks were. Fury only went over the basics one last time. The single change was Bucky would provide additional sniper support for Steve. Throughout the meeting Bucky held Steve’s hand. It was a small gesture. It warmed Steve’s heart all the same.

Eventually the time came for them to go. Everyone packed their gear and left the cabin in pairs. It was still fairly dark outside. Bucky nudged him after they’d walked a few steps out the door. “Look.” Steve followed where he was pointing upwards at the sky.

Dozens of stars glowed effervescent above them. The sun would be rising soon; they wouldn’t be able to see them for very long. These few moments were enough to awe Steve. He had been right, they did look brilliant.

“S’ pretty.” Bucky commented. Steve hummed in agreement.

“God, keep the flirting to a minimum you two.” Barton said from behind them.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t even talking to Steve, asshole.”

“Did Captain America’s boyfriend just call me an asshole?” Clint asked the same time Steve joked, “Does that mean you don’t think I’m pretty?”

Bucky grinned, Brooklyn accent heavy when he said. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, doll.”

“Aw geez, Buck.” Steve played along. “I might just have to kiss ya now.”

“I was kidding before. This is worse.” Clint sighed, dramatic.

Natasha sounded bored. “Settle down children.”

In spite of their injuries and formidable opponent, Steve felt optimistic. They had been planning and strategizing for days, and their assembled team was stronger than it looked. The odds had been worse in the past.

“We’re gonna be okay.” Steve said decidedly, he wasn’t just talking about the upcoming fight.

Bucky glanced his way. His lips quirked in an understanding smile. “Yeah.” He bumped his shoulder with Steve’s. “We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> If you want you can find me on [tumblr](http://thebuckyrogers.tumblr.com/)~


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